Another: Demon of the Fleeting Blossom
by SunKyuBunny
Summary: She came from another world, possibly the future. Why and how? With so many questions on her mind, she is determined to find these answers while being pursued by people who wants her life, with the help of the Shinsengumi and a couple of demons. Will she find love along the way? Slight mentions of Nabari no Ou. OC X Saito/ slight OC X Kazama
1. Chapter 1

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That night was a terrible thunderstorm. Gusts of wind blew so hard that trees were almost uprooted, and the rain pelted down like pebbles thrown on the ground. There was another flash of lightning, and the sky cracked with thunder.

"So it's here already," She whispered, her impassive eyes flickered to the window which was closed as her thoughts were disrupted by the sudden storm.

"What a storm," Another lady, in the disguise of a man, shuddered, in a different room. She had a bad feeling about this, but she can't put her finger on it.

The man with charming features and blonde hair did not seem quite happy about it either, as he smoked his pipe in his domain, looking lazily out at the window. The gusts of wind and rain did not affect him, as he narrowed his eyes.

"Kazama." He recognized the voice calling his name.

"Amagiri," He regarded his companion coldly. "This is a sign, isn't it?"

"Yes." Amagiri bowed his red head in a form of respect.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Shimabara, two well-dressed ladies sat quietly in a room.

"I expected this day to come, and not a moment too soon." The younger lady said, eyes filled with anxiety and dread. "Make preparations immediately. I'm sure many others will be after it." She said to her companion who was dressed up as a ninja. The ninja kneeled, then said, "Has the _Shinra Banshou*_ decided to resurface again?"

Turning to the window, the princess narrowed her eyes. "Indeed, it has."

I woke up, forced my eyes open, panting and perspiring. Slowly, I sat on the futon, looking around. I was at the inn. He wasn't back yet. Just what time was it now? Is he ever coming back? _No_, I shook my head. _I have to trust him._ I stared out of the window, the full moon in sight. _A warrior always keeps his promises._

I didn't know how long I slept, because the town below was bustling with activity. Was it still morning, since that would be the most busiest time for everyone? I walked towards the window, looking down. It felt so… so unreal… My face fell. Everyone- the town folks- looked so happy, but I knew it was only yesterday that _it_ happened.

"_I will go and inform someone to send for backup," He managed a smile. "I will be back tomorrow, I promise."_

"Just where are you?" I whispered to myself, clenching the sleeves of my kimono. It was a plain, dark blue kimono top and brown hakama. I was wearing male clothing as a disguise and I had tied my hair up in a messy ponytail. Those villains probably won't be able to recognize me, but I can't help but worry for everyone out there who are risking their lives to protect me. Am I worth it? All these thoughts just kept running through my mind, and it was too much for me to take as I was starting to feel dizzy and my head pounded. _I should probably just rest here, _I slid down from the window onto the floor, sitting with my knees close to my chest.

"Excuse me," I heard a voice calling out from the door. Hesitating, I walked towards it, and slide the door open. It was the cleaning lady, I assumed.

"Good morning, dear sir, I'm sorry to say that you will have to move out as soon as possible so that other guests may move in." The lady said, her gentle face wrinkled as she smiled politely. _Of course,_ my mind filled with dread. _He had only booked the room for a night! Is he ever coming back? What am I to do? I have to be frugal with my money, which wasn't much. Maybe I could just pay for another night? No, I can't keep staying in the inn forever, I-_

"O-Of course, I will do so immediately." I said, not feeling confident of myself. The lady left after bowing, and I closed the door. This was bad, what am I to do now? I don't have a place to stay, my stomach was grumbling, the sun was beating down on me as I walked in the streets of ancient Kyoto. Ancient, at least, to me. I know it wasn't right to leave the inn without waiting for _him_ to come back, but heck, why do I have this deadly feeling that he won't be coming back? I had to escape and find somewhere else, someone else, that was what I was told by the colonel back in the palace. No matter what, I was told that I have to live on.

I have to, I need answers. Why was I here? I'm from the future, right? Who or what… I felt the dizziness come again as I put a hand over my head, letting out a soft groan. I was staring down at the ground all along, and I was seeing feet of some people crowding me. Blinking in shock, my head shot up, and at the same time one of them grabbed me tightly by the collar. I was scared, I've heard about some terrible stories of ronin activity in this town but I never imagined to be bullied by one actually.

"L-Let me go…!" I whimpered, fright written all over my face. My fingers trailed quickly to the tip of my sword, I was told to fight if someone threatened my safety, but I do not know how to use a sword.

"Oh?" The man, his face cocked with arrogance, eyed my movement. "Wanna fight, lil' punk? We samurais worked our asses off just to protect this country, the least you could do is to pay us." His companions roared with laughter. I frowned at him, eyes wide with disbelief. I was still fearful, but I know what he said wasn't true. I had been in the palace once, I know how the things work. Still, I didn't dared to voice out my opinions. They begin to taunt me, saying they will slice me and cut me up if I don't give them my cash. I was trembling, as they pushed me forward, taking out their swords and aiming at me. By now, the common people were frantic and scrambled to hide. The once busy streets were now empty, and only the few of us remained.

"Heh," I heard a voice call out lazily. "So this is what caused the commotion?" We, me and the few thugs included, turned our heads to look. Two of them cringed in fear, as they exclaimed "It's the Shinsengumi!", but their leader, the one who grabbed me, looked unfazed.

"It's just the Mibu Wolves, just some crappy ronin who claim to be samurai-" At once the silver of the sword swung quickly and expertly at him, drawing blood from the body. There were quite some men in blue haori, but the more eye-catching ones were the one with brown hair and another with black hair. I hid my face with my hands, I couldn't stand the gore. The thugs dragged their leader away, uttering curses as they fled. I was shaking a little, and breathing deeply.

"Tch, what a pity, I wanted to kill them."

"That is enough, Souji. I don't think they will be here for a while."

"Hmm, always as stoic as ever huh, Hajime-kun."

A guy, whom I had assumed is also from this Shinsengumi group, hurried to me. He was dressed in pink, but I didn't think much about this peculiar taste.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice so gentle, I blushed a little. He was pretty, is he even a male to begin with? I nodded in response, flustered. He smiled, relieved. I'm starting to have this impression that this group of people were the 'good guys', and that I could trust them, hopefully.

"Aren't you going to thank us, kid?" This Souji guy cocked an eyebrow as he stared down at me. Twiddling my thumbs, I bowed nervously, saying "thank you" repeatedly. Yes, I was filled with gratitude, but my worries were so overwhelming. I felt so small and weak, and I was so shy. Souji laughed, gave me a nod and said, "Well then, we should be going." I wanted to stop them, but the grumble of my stomach got to them before the words could come out from my mouth. Souji, Hajime and this girlish guy turned to look at me. Souji chuckled loudly, while the girlish guy smiled. "Hajime" showed no emotions at all, giving me the cold, hard stare from the start. I don't know why but I have a feeling I was shrinking into something much smaller than I already am.

"Are you hungry, kid? Got any money on you to buy food?" Souji asked, smirking, although he looked like he could care less. I pulled out a pouch and peered at the little I have, eyes downcast. I was broke, homeless, starving, helpless. I wanted very much to cry and beg them to take me in, but they probably won't agree to it anyway. I felt pathetic as I put away my pouch.

"Are you new in town?" The girlish guy asked, looking at me with concern. I blushed again as I nodded. "Do you have a place to stay?" He continued. I shook my head.

"Chizuru-chan, don't tell me you're planning to take this kid in to our headquarters? Hijikata won't like it." Souji sighed, but Chizuru tried to argue with him.

"We don't take in beggars and homeless people. The Shinsengumi's image will be tarnished." Hajime said tersely.

"But, Saito-san, if we leave him here, he'll just be bullied again!" Chizuru defended me, only to receive a heartless reply from Saito.

"I believe that it is none of our business."

Chizuru looked as helpless as me, but Okita just folded his arms, sighing.

"Still, our job here is to protect the people here right? Why not we ask if Hijikata could let him stay for a day or two?" To that, Saito narrowed his eyes at him.

"Hijikata will not approve of this."

Okita laughed lightly again. "Well, you never know right? Anyway, I didn't promise anything. If Hijikata doesn't allow him to stay, then we'll leave him in the streets." Saito said nothing, but flashed me a stern look, before leaving with his men. I felt so relieved, as I hurried to catch up with them.

It didn't take long to reach their headquarters, and while I was there, I got different stares from their captains in the meeting room. They were all mostly surprised and unwelcoming stares, especially from the man with long black ponytail and dressed in purple, who was folding his arms and giving me an angry stare, as Chizuru tried to explain why I was brought here. I noted, that in the room, there was only one lady, who was sitting next to the other captains. Her hair was white as snow, which complimented her pale colored kimono, but her stare towards me was definitely unfriendly. I shrunk again, feeling small.

The man with the ponytail, whom I heard Okita call as "Hijikata", looked fiercer than usual, as he begin to raise his voice. "So just because you pity this kid, you feel that you should bring him in and stay with us? How ridiculous." Chizuru looked clearly disappointed and sad, and I know this meant a "no". Feeling desperate, I kneeled, forehead touching the ground to him.

"Please, please let me stay! I… If I go outside, I will surely get killed by… by…" I was stuttering, I hated the way I presented myself.

"But why would your death concern us anyway?" I heard a immature voice from behind. Lifting my head to look, the voice came from a guy with long brown ponytail and dressed in purple and yellow. He was sitting behind with two more bulky men.

"Heisuke may sound kind of heartless, but we can't be sure if you're a spy from the Choshu or whichever domain." The bulky man with a bandanna shrugged, looking as unconcerned as everyone in the room except me and Chizuru.

"Ah." The red head nodded, propping one of his legs up. "But man, this scene brings me back to when Chizuru was here." His eyes flickered to me, as he grinned.

"If there are people trying to kill you, then this would mean you've committed a terrible crime, yes?" Okita sneered. "If so, then the Shinsengumi will have no reason to let you go." Then suddenly the atmosphere was tense as all eyes were on me. I shifted uncomfortably, not used to all the attention. The first thing I wanted to do, apart from getting out of here as soon as possible, is to take out the gold plate which was given to me by the Emperor, and I was told that as long as I showed this gold plate to someone, they cannot refuse my request. However, I was not to show that to anyone, for if they know I came from the palace, they might kill me. I was conflicted.

"Speak." Hijikata prompted coldly, his eyes like daggers piercing through me. I swallowed hard. I should be able to trust the Shinsengumi, given that they protected me from those thugs.

Slowly, I felt for the gold plate I had hidden carefully in the many layers of my male kimono. They had eyed my every movement, some of them were prepared to draw their swords. I gulped.

"Don't try anything funny," Okita had pointed his sword at me now. I felt something hard, and I pulled it out quickly in an attempt to prove them I was innocent.

"I-" I begin, holding out the gold plate, but I froze. Everyone, except the lady, Chizuru and two older looking men pointed their swords at me.

"What's that?" Hijikata narrowed his eyes at the item in my hands.

"Now, now, everyone, there isn't a need to frighten him, I'm sure he wasn't going to harm us." One of the older man, who seemed like their superior, said calmly. The man whose head was half shaved nodded, and everyone kept their swords back into the scabbard.

I was too frightened to speak, as Hijikata took the plate from me and inspect it, before blinking a couple of times and look at me sternly.

"How did you get this?" He had said with the same hostility.

"Toshi, what is it?" The older looking man looked as interested as everyone else in the room was.

"Kondou-san, this is the gold seal issued by the Emperor." Hijikata then asked me. "Why would a mere kid like you have this? Did you stole it?"

"Ah, no wonder. It is indeed a serious offense to steal something as important as that. I suppose we should now punish him, shouldn't we?" The man in glasses spoke, although he had a friendly look on his face, the tone of his voice was ominous.

"No! Please!" I begged. "I'm not a thief! The Emperor himself gave it to me! Two days ago I fled from the palace because it was under attack, and the Emperor said that if I show this to anyone, they will offer me a place to stay."

"The Palace was under attacked!?" Kondou looked shocked.

"And why would the Emperor allow you to flee, and not himself?" Hijikata did not seem to buy my story. I was beyond frustrated.

"S-Some men was trying to kill me but not the Emperor… So I had to flee… But on the way I got attacked and I was separated from the Imperial Guards…" I sounded weak and pathetic.

"Is the Emperor alright?" Kondou is more interested in the Emperor than me, it seems. I nodded. Hijikata was about to say something, but the lady with white hair spoke up.

"It will be quite rude to continue without asking for your name, wouldn't it?" She tried to sound friendly but she looked emotionless, like Saito. Hijikata scratched his head, quite unsure of himself.

"I…" I trailed off. I was given a name by the Emperor, so I should be using that instead of my real name. "My name is Sakurai…"

"Never heard of it." Hijikata frowned at me. I twiddled my thumbs. It should be natural, considering I was a nobody and I had lived in this era for only a week. "But you're someone from the palace right? Shouldn't someone be protecting you? Like a bodyguard, perhaps?" Kondou inquired, as if after making sure the Emperor is safe then only will my presence matter to him.

"He was supposed to come back this morning but…" I didn't go on.

"Hmm, I see." Kondou folded his arms, deep in thought. "Shizuka, what are your views on this?" He said to the white haired lady. Her eyes flickered to me again, then rolled to meet Kondou's.

"I think we should let her stay, to be safe."

"I see." Kondou turned his head and nodded.

"…"

"Did you just say, 'her'?" Heisuke exclaimed. "Did I hear that right, Sano, Shinpachi?!" Shinpachi, the guy with the bandanna could only sputter. Sano's lips curved upwards at one side.

"Well, I had a feeling that kid's a girl like Chizuru from right the start."

Chizuru looked at me, bewildered, and me to her too.

"Y-you're a girl?" We both exclaimed in surprise. Then light laughter filled the room. The tense air had diffused. Hijikata sighed.

"Our headquarters is getting popular with the ladies now, eh?" Okita joked, but Saito remained stoic about the situation. It also seemed like they had already seen through my disguise.

"In that case, I will send for Yamazaki to inform the people in the palace. Until he returns with someone to pick you up, you may stay in a room here." Hijikata announced, his face less stern.

"But woah, what are you anyway? A princess or?" Heisuke asked casually. Everyone waited for my response. I gulped and laughed nervously. I can't tell them about my true status in the palace, although I wasn't a princess to begin with, the Emperor crowned me that title for God Knows Why. Although it seemed strange enough that he should find me and keep me in the palace, and then there were those villains trying to kill me. Was this all related?

"N-No, I'm just… A palace maid…" My answer sounded lame.

"A palace maid would have obtained the gold seal from the Emperor himself?" Hijikata asked questioningly.

"I-I'm the commander's daughter…" I tried to sound more convincing. Truth is, I was none. I don't think I would even have relatives here, since I'm from another world, or even the future.

"What are you trying to hide by lying to us?" Saito's ever so quiet voice, yet filled with suspicion said to me.

"Doesn't matter, we'll know for sure when Yamazaki comes back. If that name ever rings a bell to anyone there." Hijikata pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now then, Saito, could you take her to her room?"

"I understand." Saito said and got up. I only stared at him. I felt like Hijikata could pick another person, perhaps someone who's not emitting a dark aura around him such as his? Saito turned to look at me.

"What are you waiting for? Leave." Hijikata said, frowning at me. Immediately, I got up, though I stumbled a little, I could hear Okita snicker and said to Hijikata that if he continue to frown, he will have wrinkles. I left the room and push the door back in place, then looking up at Saito, who was staring at me all the while. He turned his back and walked, and I tried to keep up.

We didn't say anything. For me, I was too shy to. Saito looked very handsome, I noted. And so were the other guys in the room. I could tell even by looking at his back. He looks so… So… sexy… I blushed a little as I drifted off to my fantasy. As if sensing something, he turned to look at me. I didn't notice that, as my eyes were downcast but I was smiling to myself. He felt that it was queer and so he stopped walking and I walked into him.

"Ah!" I exclaimed then blushed as I looked up at him. He glanced at me briefly before continuing to walk. It was embarrassing to let someone as gorgeous as him see how dorky I was. I banged my head silently onto the neighboring pillars, but he turned to look at me again, feeling suspicious. I maintained composure and pretended to be normal. Great, I'm actually pretending to be normal! I groaned mentally.

He brought me to my room, then explained briefly about the strict rules the Shinsengumi and those living with them should follow, and then about mealtimes and the times when the females get to bathe. I peered into the room. Well, it wasn't as luxurious back in the palace, although I did feel my room back in my world was the best right now. As Saito turned to walk off, I managed to get a soft "thank you" out from my lips. As much as I wanted to sound confident, I was weak against handsome men. He glanced over his shoulders, his fringe covering his eyes, and my heart pounded. God, he was so cool! When he left, I made sure he was out of sight, I jumped in my room and hugged the futon as if I was hugging him.

Lying on the futon now, I looked sad and serious. My hair was in a mess. I narrowed my eyes slightly, looking at nowhere in particular.

Now isn't the time to be happy over a couple of handsome men. I had a bad feeling about something, and I worried for the people back in the palace. _Everything will be alright, won't it?_

*The Shinrabanshou is written as 神羅万象, and if you break down the words one by one, it roughly means "God from all the Universe" but personally I feel that it should mean "spirit which contains the world's knowledge". No blasphemy, of course.

Note that the "imperial guards" I've mentioned above is NOT Itou's men. I know there's some confusion with the English translation, but in this case it just means the army who guarded the palace.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys, thanks so much for reading my fic and staying with me up until chapter two. I hope I don't bore you, but really, I appreciate your support shown. I'd love to see what you think of it so far, or perhaps some constructive criticism in your reviews. I don't know, it just somehow makes me feel that I'm not doing this alone, y'know. Also, I'll include a hand drawn picture of my OC AND SAITO. Of course, that comes with a condition that you guys review, anonymous or not =D

Thank you once again!

x

I blinked sleepily. I got up, trying to remember the day's events. I fell asleep, somehow. What time was it? It's really difficult to keep track of the time, especially since they don't have a clock. But seeing the orange sky, it was clearly evening. Could it be dinnertime already? Strange, no one called me. I yawned as I went out of my room and strolled in the corridors. It seemed so quiet, and it felt uneasy. I decided that I might as well go and look for Chizuru, but I didn't know where to begin.

_Ah,_ something struck me. _That huge hall where I met them this morning!_ I made my way there quickly, hesitating now and then because I had forgotten the directions. This place is really big, but it didn't take me long to find the hall. And thankfully, I could see that the room was lit, which meant someone was there. I wanted to say something in order to make my presence known, since knocking was unusual here, but it felt like I was just abusing my authority. Nevertheless, I decided to muster some courage and say something.

"… So you felt the presence of the Shinrabanshou?" I heard Hijikata's serious voice. _Shinrabanshou? It sounded familiar… Oh! The Emperor mentioned it to me once… I think it's a folklore or something…_ Puzzled, I decided to eavesdrop. I know it was improper, but I needed to know if they were conspiring something against me.

"Chizuru should have felt it too, right?" The voice belonged to Shizuka, I guess. "You're also a demon like me." My eyes widened._ Demon?_ I put my hand over my mouth.

"Who's there?" A sharp voice demanded. What should I do? I panicked, but the door swung open, and I saw Sano.

"It's… You…" He blinked at me. "Sakurai?"

"Sakurai? What are you doing here?" Shinpachi exclaimed.

"Could it be that perhaps, you were eavesdropping?" Man with glasses smiled, but I was sure he was angered. I was about to lie and deny, but Sano grabbed me and pulled me in, swinging the door shut.

"I-I didn't mean to! I swear!" I said frantically.

"Oh? Then what have you heard?" Four-eyes continued. I was afraid of this man. I didn't speak, my throat was dry. I wanted to go back.

"Sannan-san, she wasn't here for too long, only probably a few seconds ago. So I guess she heard the part where we talked about the demons and stuff." Okita said lazily, leaning against the wall.

"Could it be that you're gathering information about the Shinrabanshou?" Kondou asked warily. Did everyone know that I was outside all along?

"Speak." Hijikata's voice was hard, and I felt like I was being treated like a prisoner.

"How many secrets do you want to keep from us, Sakurai?" Sannan smiled again, his glasses glistened as he pushed them up.

"I…" My voice was barely audible. What can I say? It felt tiring to keep up with the interrogation. I could hear Shinpachi say things like, "What a troublesome lady", although he said it softly, but the room was so quiet that the smallest of noise was clear and audible.

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." I apologized, kneeling on my knees and bowed.

"Please get up," Kondou said uneasily. "This is too humble for the shogun's daughter to kneel and bow to apologize-"

"We don't even know if she's the shogun's daughter or just some palace maid!" Hijikata said angrily. I shouldn't have lied, but no one will believe me. I trembled slightly, my face was hot and tears were clouding my eyes. _If only I continued to stay at the inn_, I held back my tears. _Darn, this is embarrassing. Don't cry, please don't cry._

"Hijikata-san, you shouldn't be so mean towards a lady." Sano went over to my side, giving me an assuring pat and wiping my tears, which inevitably fell in the end. I miss everyone back at my world. "Don't cry, hey?" He cooed, ruffling my hair as I tried my best to stop the tears.

"Sano-san, are you sure you should be this nice to someone who could be a spy?" Heisuke groaned loudly, and Shinpachi nodded.

"Well, I can't be sure if she's a spy or not, but she's a lady, and ladies should be treated properly." Sano grinned and I was touched by his kindness. This was stupid, because I was starting to fall for him, but then again, I fall for every good-looking guy, bastard or not.

"In any case, if she's from the palace then she couldn't be an enemy." I never imagined the ice-cold Shizuka would have come to my defense, but I was thankful. I calmed down, but my eyes were sad and downcast. "But, are you sure you aren't keeping any things from us?" She look at me at the corner of her eye. To me, she resembled a witch, but it was terrible of me to think of such things. I bit my lips. She's a demon, right? Could she have sensed something? But, if I want to gain the trust of the Shinsengumi, I have to be truthful and transparent with them.

"You won't believe me…" I said quietly, putting my hands together on my lap.

"What now?" Okita snickered, placing a hand to support his tilted head.

"I'm… I'm from another world, possibly the future…"

The room was suddenly filled with awkward silence, and then laughter. Heisuke was the one who broke the ice, but he did say mean things like, I could've come up with better excuses, and also things like I wasn't right in the mind. I felt hurt, but I didn't hate him. How could I? It was perfectly fine to think of such things after all…

"I believe her." Shizuka stared at me intensely. I was starting to feel scared again, maybe because she looked fierce, and also the fact that she and Chizuru are demons scared me more.

"Could it be, do you think…?" Sannan's voice trailed off, leaving much suspense, but the majority of them knew what he meant. Shizuka gave him a small nod. "Of course, then things would make sense." He said thoughtfully.

"Well, say so earlier!" Hijikata grunted and uttered a lot of other things, but I think he did somehow, in between his rants, managed an apology to me. I didn't know what they meant by that, but me being the coward I already am, I didn't ask. Shizuka was observing me now, as if making sure I was what they thought I was.

"Are you sure, though? She seemed… Ordinary." Kondou had that uneasy look again. In fact, they were all tense. "Do you know anything about it?" Shizuka asked me, there was much more kindness in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" I looked at her earnestly. If I do know anything, I would tell, because I had a feeling the Shinsengumi could help me. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"It's time to have dinner." Hijikata grunted again. I wasn't sure why he said that, but the men were now cheering because they were hungry. I felt, deep inside, that they were trying to cover up something.

Still, it was not up to me to decide things.

Dinnertime with all of them was strange. It was strange as a moment ago they were treating me like a criminal, and now I seemed like family to them. Shinpachi seemed to have also cleared any misunderstandings he had against me and was talking to me like a friend now. I still couldn't fully let down my guard against them but they do not seem to possess a threat to me. At least for now. Hijikata and Kondou were discussing politics, and I had finished my dinner. I had a brief conversation with Chizuru, but then I realized I have not yet bathed, so I excused myself and left quickly. Saito did tell me about the specific times ladies could bathe, because the majority were the men so it would be very inconvenient to bathe with them. But it was already night, so I don't think anyone would be going to the bath by now.

Relaxing in the bath, I heaved a sigh of relief. So many things just happened, it was almost too much for my brain to take. It felt nice to take a bath with no one to bother you, and I sat in a very comfortable position inside the tub. The water level was just a little above my chest, so my shoulders were exposed. It's okay, I guess, I mean, no one will come in and-

"Just as I expected, the bath should be empty now… Huh?" I heard and saw a half-naked Okita and a fully clothed Saito. They both wore a shocked expression, and turned away as I did, trying to cover my chest with my hands. _How did I get myself into such a situation?_ I bit my lips and shut my eyes in desperation.

"Um… I think we'll come here again… Later…" I could see both of their backs facing me and they were going off.

"Wait!" I cried out, they turned to face me, and almost instantly I sank my body deeper into the bath tub, and they turned their heads back, as if they've forgotten I was a lady. "Um… What I mean to say is… I'm going to get out of the bath now. S-So, don't look…"

"Heh? But we're in an enclosed room and we're almost naked… It's not surprising if we…" Okita let his voice trail off in purpose. He turned his head just slightly to tease me, but he wasn't looking at me. I was panicking as I tried to put on my pants, but somehow they were harder to fit in due to my hurriedness. "Ouch!" I said as I had accidentally kicked my foot against the tub.

"Don't look!" I exclaim, as Okita was about to turn.

"Geez, I keep forgetting that there're girls in here sometimes." Okita sighed, then look at Saito. "Right, Hajime-kun?" Saito didn't say anything, but stood there like a statue.

"Oh? Hajime-kun?" Okita continued. By now I had already put on everything and was adjusting the kimono. "Your face is red. Are you blushing?" Upon hearing that, my eyes widened and my face grew hot again.

"I'm not," Saito said defensively, but there was something weird about his actions.

"Um… I'm done…" I said, then walked quickly towards then, keeping my head bowed and trying to get out of the bath as fast as I could. I ran out of the bath, panting and blushing as I stepped outside. There was a gentle breeze, but I felt my face burn from the embarrassment. I covered my face with my hands.

"Oh, Sakurai?" I shot my head up.

"H-Harada-san!" Sano stopped for a moment as he stared at me. He then smiled.

"Did you just bathed? You look really pretty with your hair down." I blushed even further as I blinked. "But, the weather's cold, you should at least dry your hair before stepping out." He took my towel and put it over my head, then patted my head and grin.

"I'll take note of that… Please excuse me." I mumbled and bowed, running back to my room.

What a day! I collapsed on the floor on my knees, then dried my hair with the towel. It is definitely going to be awkward meeting up with Saito and Okita. And darn it was so improper! I probably left a bad impression on them. But they're just so drop-dead gorgeous! I crawled to bed and forced my eyes shut. _Sleep it all. This is just a dream. It will all be alright tomorrow morning._

… Hopefully.

Days passed since I was living with the Shinsengumi. Everything seemed fine, except for when the men were out patrolling and they'd come back with stories of increased fighting in the streets, and the approach of some other samurais from different domains. I spent most of my time with Chizuru talking and doing chores just to kill time. Sometimes, Chizuru would ask me questions about the world I came from, and I could only explain things in general. Why, it was becoming so distant to me now. I hardly remember how life back there will be like, except that I know for sure it'll be a luxury.

This time Saito came back from his patrol. He glanced over at me, and I looked away immediately. I don't know, it was a natural reaction I suppose? Heisuke was behind, looking quite frustrated, saying something about the interference of the Satsuma Clan.

"Man, those Satsuma idiots were annoying! Butting in when we're trying to break up fights." He complained to Sano and Shinpachi who were nearby. "Satsuma? Why would they do that for no reason at all?" Sano asked quizzically. "That's why I'm so pissed!" Heisuke grumbled, as the captains were proceeding to the meeting room.

"Yukimura-kun, could you come too?" Gen asked with a gentle smile. "I'm sorry, Sakurai, but we will be having an important meeting."

"Ah, it's okay, go on." I tried to hide the fact that I was disappointed in being left out. I took the broom and busied myself with more chores. I wonder when will that Yamazaki return? Not that I dislike staying with the Shinsengumi, but I was getting nowhere with my doubts.

"Hmm. It's seems that Chizuru has gone inside." Startled, I turned around, only to see another gorgeous male, this time a Blondie. I wasn't sure how to react or if he's also from the Shisengumi.

"G-Good afternoon," I bowed slightly, not taking my eyes off him. His eyes flickered to meet mine, his expression looked less than annoyed as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Hmm? And who might you be?" He said with such a deep voice. "I've never seen you around before, but tiny insects like you are not worth knowing and remembering." The way he said it… I've got a bad feeling about this. I wanted to run to the hall and inform them, but if I do so, this man might just cause trouble while I'm gone.

"C-Can I help you?" I tried to steady my shaky voice. This guy seems to pose a threat. He raised an eyebrow, still looking at me. In a blink of an eye, he appeared before me, grabbing my wrists as I tried to back away. I was frantic as I struggled, dropping my broom.

"You," His tone was angrier and so were his ruby red eyes. "There's something about you-" He turned his head in a split second and took big steps from where we were initially standing to avoid being hit by the sword that was trying to attack him, taking me with him.

"Let the kid go." Hijikata's firm voice hinted restrained anger, as he clutch his sword tightly. The blonde man put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him, smirking. The rest of the people in the meeting room had went out to see the commotion.

"Hmm?" He cocked an eyebrow. "If you're here, Shizuka," His eyes rolled to look at me. "Then this confirms it." I could feel his grip tightened around me. What was happening? What did I do? Who is he? Why are there so many questions and yet no answers to them? Hijikata went forward swinging his sword, he was so fast, but this blonde man had dodge every blow. I tried to push myself away from him.

"If you try to do anything silly, you'll end up being sliced by him." To show me what he meant, he took me by the hand and let me go for a while, Hijikata's sword just inches from my face, and then he pulled me to him quickly with just a tug when the sword was raised again. Hijikata growled from being unable to lay a scratch on him.

"Kazama Chikage," Hijikata gritted his teeth. "What do you want?"

"Need you ask? I came for my wife, of course." Kazama said smoothly. "But then it seems that I've found someone more interesting." He looked at me, as if inspecting me. "I guess I should've expected that she would be in your hands, Shizuka."

"She's not it." Shizuka glared at Kazama.

"She's not?" Kazama frowned, narrowing his eyes at her. He turned to look at me again, then pushed me away. I stumbled a few steps back, but Saito caught me behind. He asked a soft "Are you okay?", and I could only reply by nodding.

"In any case, today's trip wasn't wasted. At least I know where you've been hiding." Kazama smirked, referring to Shizuka. "Finding the Shinrabanshou will be much more easier from now on." With that, he disappeared. Is he a demon too? And this thing about the Shinrabanshou again…

"Oi, kid," was Hijikata referring to me? "Are you okay? That bastard didn't hurt you or anything right?" I shook my head, giving a faint smile. They took me to the hall where they continued their meeting, saying that it wouldn't be good for me to be left alone now. I asked, with given permission, about Kazama and his intentions, and they explained in detail for me to fully comprehend.

"But why did he capture me just now? I'm not even a demon…" I was puzzled.

"You're not." Shizuka said flatly. "I'm sure he mistook you to be a demon, considering you do possess an abnormal aura quite different from a human's, and since you had also said you came from another world." That sort of made sense, so I accepted that theory.

"Hijikata-san." The voice came from outside.

"Yamazaki?" Hijikata asked in response. The door slid open, revealing a man in a ninja costume. "I bring news." Yamazaki said in his ever so dutifully serious voice. He stepped into the room and slid the door close, glancing over at me.

"Someone in the palace recognized that name and he wants to meet her and the captains of the Shinsengumi tonight, at Shimarabara apparently, to thank the Shinsengumi for taking care of her." At the sound of that, Heisuke and Shinpachi were clearly excited. Hijikata pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Can't say no to that now, can we?"

While the room was filled with excited chatters, I can't help but feel worried. Who was this person? What if it was a trap? But the Shinsengumi will be here with me, I reassured myself. "We have to dress Sakurai up! If she's going back with that guy, then she gotta look presentable!" Heisuke grinned. "Oh, and not forgetting Chizuru too!"

"Ah, no, I'm fine with wearing male's clothing." I tried to refuse politely. Sure, it'd be nice to wear girls' clothing again, but somehow I'd feel bashful in front of these people.

"Hmm? But I'm curious how you'd look like as a girl." Okita smirked, and I avoided his gaze because apparently he had this sexy look on him which sent my heart beat fast. Heisuke, Shinpachi and Sano were chatting delightedly, and I sighed. Chizuru patted me on the shoulder and gave me a warm smile. I managed a nervous smile.

"Then that settles everything." Hijikata said decidedly, at that moment I thought he wanted me to dress as a girl. I guess I don't have a say in it, but I never thought the ever so aloof Hijikata wanted to see me and Chizuru dressed as a girl again. Although in some ways it felt weird, I was looking forward to it.

The sun was setting, and everyone made their way to Shimabara. Gen was left at the headquarters to guard it. Shizuka said she had other things to take care of, so she wouldn't be able to join us tonight. Chizuru and I were now at the okiya where this particular geisha by the name of Kimigiku helped us to dress up. We were almost done, and I looked in awe at my own reflection. I couldn't believe it, I mean, I looked ravishing, almost like the person staring back at me, wasn't me.

"Why, the both of you look dazzling," Kimigiku said politely, her geisha accent thick.

"T-Thank you," Chizuru and I said shyly. Osen, another of Chizuru's friend was there too, giggling.

"Do you come here often?" I asked Chizuru quietly as we made our way to where the men were. I didn't actually wanted to meet them. "Not really," Chizuru said with a light laugh. All the women here looked so pretty, so woman-like, and compared to them I feel boorish. I was thinking to myself that I didn't notice we're already outside of the room and were going in.

"Ah!" I accidentally blurted out as I was stepping into the room, arousing the attention of the men inside. I wasn't used to walking with clogs, and as I tried to cross over the small wooden hedge I tripped, but Harada had stood up in time and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" He asked, concerned. Then he smiled gently. My both hands were up on his exposed chest to support my clumsy self. My fingers moved slightly, and immediately I knew what I was touching all the while.

"Y-Yes!" I exclaimed, moving backwards only to knock down Heisuke's cup of sake. "I'm so sorry!" I bent down and tried to clear the mess. "Ah, it's okay! I'll just get another cup…" Heisuke's voice trailed off as he stared at me. I didn't notice that everyone was looking at me because I was arranging Heisuke's cup and utensils.

"Sakurai, is that you?" My head shot up slightly to look at him. For a moment I forgot that I was dressed up prettily.

"Huh?" I stared back blankly.

"Woah, you're such a babe!" Shinpachi cheered, obviously quite drunk even before the representative of the Emperor had arrived. I blushed furiously at that comment, shrinking back and twiddled my thumbs. Kimigiku laughed politely, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yeah, I thought you were another person just now!" Heisuke added, blushing a little. I had took a seat next to him, but I didn't dared to look at anyone now.

"Heh, quite a surprise, isn't it?" Okita smiled wryly. "But I think both Sakurai and Chizuru are really pretty. Don't you think so, Hajime-kun?" At the corner of his eye he glanced at Saito, who just sipped on his cup of sake silently. There was some noise outside of the room, but eventually the door slide open, revealing a smartly dressed man in his 40s, his head half shaven, indicating he's a samurai. He had two other bodyguards behind him.

"Are you all from the Shinsengumi?" He asked darkly.

"Lord Ieyasu," Kondou greeted warmly. The man then took his seat next to Kondou, briefly telling the geishas to bring him sake. The two were having small talks now, and when his sake arrived, all the other geishas were told to leave.

"Oh, and who might these two ladies be?" The shogun asked, pleasantly surprised, noticing that me and Chizuru were the only ladies left in the room.

"Ah, about that," Kondou begin. "You said you recognized the name Sakurai," The shogun looked up from his drink.

"I've heard the Emperor mentioned it once or twice," He confessed, "But after the some confusion back at the palace, the name was not to be mentioned within the palace grounds. I wondered what kind of person this Sakurai might be, so I thought I might as well come and see for myself." To me, that didn't sound like a surprise that he don't know me. I mean, I have no idea who he is anyway. "Is it one of these two ladies, I presume?" The shogun arched a brow at Kondou. Kondou only nodded. Why would the Emperor do that? Is he abandoning me? I had a sinking feeling about this. I clutched both of my hands. This man do not know me at all, so what was his real intentions in seeing me now? I prayed fervently in my mind that the Shinsengumi will not hand me over to him like they said they will. Something was just wrong.

The shogun now stared at me and I was getting the shivers.

He looked serious. "The incident that happened some time ago was not just assassination, but more like conspiracy of different rebels. I must say your presence really disrupted peace in the palace." Everyone, including me, listened intently.

"I…" I started, but then I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. All the attention was suddenly reverted back to me again. "I have no idea why either…" Were they going to believe? I really didn't know, I've heard stories of people killing one another just because they don't like them. I know my answer was too vague, but if I reveal to him that I'm from another world, he might just kill me on the spot and the Shinsengumi were not going to help me because of some glorified virtues like 'expel the foreigners' which they strongly believed in.

The shogun was about to say something when Kimigiku called out pleasantly from outside, requesting to enter and fill their cups. The shogun grunted and allowed her and some geikos in. Soon and thereafter, the shogun was getting drunk. His two bodyguards were ordered to stay outside and guard. However, the drunk shogun behaved like a totally different person. He tried to molest some of the geiko serving him, and even asking them to accompany him for the night. The geiko tried to refuse with courtesy, but he didn't take no for an answer, and demanded that they cut their hair as punishment for their insolence. Hijikata and Kondou tried to reason with him peacefully, but the man was too drunk to reason with his own head. He was as stubborn as a bull, and he drew out his sword in the end.

The geikos were frightened, and Kimigiku also tried to negotiate peaceful terms, but the shogun will not listened. He walked over to the crying geikos now unsteadily, with a sword in hand. Feeling frightened myself, I felt my body go numb and moved.

"What are you doing you little-"

I did not realize I had walked towards him, taking the sword from his hand.

"Sakurai! Stay out of this!" I heard Hijikata shout. The guards have entered and pointed their swords at me. Slowly taking out my hair pins and dropping them on the ground, I grabbed my long, flowing hair with my free hand, and swung the sword upwards from behind. I felt a sharp tug as the sword cut through my hair, the broken strands floated about the room as I held them loosely. God, there's so much hair, for a moment I thought I was having cancer.

My accuracy was a bit off- I planned to cut my hair really short to atone for the geikos, but it seems my hair was just above my shoulders. My mouth went dry but I managed to say something.

"Take my hair instead." I held out my cut hair towards him, and he stared dumb-founded, before erupting in maniac laughter. Hijikata pulled me behind sharply, making me drop the hair and the sword. "You idiot, what do you think you're doing?" He chided.

"Oh, how rich!" The shogun said in between laughs. "I shall forgive them this time around, on account of your relations with the Emperor. But be warned," It felt like the original shogun was coming back to him. "The assassins are still around in this vicinity, they aren't going to let you off so easily… was what Lord Iemochi told me to tell you." My eyes widened at the mention of that name.

"Lord Iemochi? What else did he-"

"He sends his apologies for not being able to protect you, but I can now tell him you'll be safe in the hands of the Shinsengumi." He bent down to take one last sip of sake and walked towards the door where his guards stand. "I trust that the Shinsengumi will be able to protect you?"

"You can count on that," I heard Shinpachi say proudly. I looked up at him, and he flashed me a confident grin.

"That's right, the Shinsengumi will protect her at all costs." Kondou placed a firm hand on my shoulder. The shogun didn't look back nor say anything and left quietly. How did things turn out this way? I thought he didn't know who I was, and so why did he say those things to me?

"Because he didn't know who you were, that is why he is able to say those things to you." I turned around and saw Shizuka standing next to me. I was quite surprised. What did she mean anyway? I didn't quite get it.

"Ah, Shizuka, you're back." Sannan smiled. Kimigiku, who had been comforting the frightened geikos, narrowed her eyes. She couldn't quite see this Shizuka because Heisuke and Shinpachi was blocking her view, but she recognized that name.

_If she's here then there's no time to lose… _


	3. Chapter 3

iThank you so much for your reviews, guys T_T I know I haven't done well in my previous chapters but really, I'm not cut out to be a story writer. As I was typing I was daydreaming, so… it's kind of difficult to put thoughts into words sometimes, please bear with me! Anyway I think I know what's the problem. I may have added too much dialogues, but I'm just not good with description. Sorry, again, because I haven't been going to school for more than a month now as I've graduated and am waiting for my results and postings. I'll try my best, nevertheless. Here's the link to the picture I promised in the previous chapter.

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And add this behind: n . jpg

I know the quality is not awesome but I was lazy to scan it in to my printer. And I know my OC is not pretty. I know you're thinking, "The heck's wrong with her brows?!" and "DA FUDGE THIS LOOKS NOTHING LIKE MY BBY SAITO AT ALL!" Firstly, I'm not good at shading! Second, I'm not good at drawing (or should I say, because I do not own Hakuouki hence it is almost impossible for me to draw the characters exactly the same.)!

Yes I'm being self-abased. So sue me. I'm just trying to be humble. I hope you guys stick to the whole fic till the end =D I promise I will insert some goodies here and there~ (And by goodies I mean drawings. C'MON DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF EVERYBODY LOVES PRO DRAWINGS LIKE MINE.)

… I really need to stop talking to myself.

x

_Why did I do that?_ I ran a finger through my hair. Since it was much shorter now, I couldn't really tie it up. I never thought I would have the guts to stand up against a bully. I feel so different, now that I'm in this world. It's almost like I was born again. I didn't seem like _me_, but then again, I am _me_. I sighed to myself and stretched. I had just woke up and was standing at the courtyard just outside the dojo. The captains of the Shinsengumi were having another important meeting which I was not allowed to attend. Not that I really want to now. I bet all they ever talk about are politics and warfare. These men get riled up so easily for a fight, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

'_Do you want to go out?'_ I blinked, then turned around. Did someone say something? But there was no one behind me. I swore I heard a voice. It sounded like a female's, though. I was getting the creeps now. Have I been imagining things?

"Hey kid, I asked you a question."

I turned around again. Hijikata stood in front of me, folding his arms and frowning. He looked impatient. When did he appear? I apologized, and asked him what he had asked me just now.

"I asked," He said, sighing deeply. "If you want to go out. I will be assigning you to accompany Heisuke who will be patrolling today." I blinked again. No way, this is way too creepy. Is Hijikata a ghost? Or maybe he's a demon! I've heard many people call him the Demon Commander. I nodded, unable to utter a word. Was he the one I heard moments ago? No, it sounded like a lady's. It can't be him. Then again, when did he ever stood in front of me? Was I daydreaming all the while?

"Heisuke. You're in charge of her for today." Hijikata barked out orders. "And you, try not to get into the way too much." Alarmed, I nodded again.

Heisuke grinned at me. "Don't worry, although there are many thugs out there, I won't let them lay a finger on you!" Heisuke was always so nice to me, often showing me concern, and always cheering me up whenever I'm sad or lonely. I smiled back at him, thanking him. We were now headed into the streets with his eighth unit. As always, however crowded the streets were, people always made way for the Shinsengumi to pass through. They started to gossip about us less, it seems, since they didn't gave us unpleasant stares when we walked by.

And then it started. Those thugs were at it again. "Sakurai, stay back, I will deal with this thugs in a minute." He flashed me a confident grin and ran excitedly towards them. I didn't even have time to reply him, so I just stood at a corner, watching him. In seconds crowds were gathering among them and my view was totally blocked. I hoped that Heisuke will be fine dealing with these thugs. I don't doubt his ability, but you never know what might just happen.

"Hmm. These lowly animals are constantly creating a ruckus." A deep erotic voice near me commented. I spun around in astonishment. Behind me stood the blonde demon from yesterday. What could he possibly want from me? I wanted to run to Heisuke, but I was ordered not to get into his way. As if sensing my thoughts, he smirked.

"Relax. I'm not going to do anything to you." He took a quick glance at the crowd. "In any case, this is not the place to talk. Follow me." He turned his back, beckoning me to follow suit. I didn't. I stood there, watching him. His brows knit, showing irritation as he glanced over his shoulder to look at me. "If you refuse to abide, I will have to resort to knock you out cold." I shuddered at that, and I swallowed hard. His gaze then softened slightly as he turned his head, taking a step forward. "I will bring you back to the Shinsengumi later." I followed him this time, although hesitating now and then. I trust that he won't go back on his word, but I can't help but worry that Heisuke might have trouble finding me. What if I don't go back on time? He'd surely panic, and Hijikata will probably give me and him an earful.

He was taking me into the woods. By now I was feeling that something was amiss. I would turn back and run, but he will catch up to me within seconds and probably kill me. He was quite fearful, even if I didn't know he was a demon, he had that aura of darkness and authority around him that can be very intimidating. Gathering as much courage as I could, I opened my mouth to ask him a question.

"Where are we going?" My voice sounded shaky, and he stopped. I peered over my shoulders. We're at quite the distance from town. Even if I did run back just now, I wouldn't have known my way back. It was also quite cold in the woods. I grab onto my sleeves.

In the blink of an eye, he appeared in front of me, forcefully lifting my chin up to him. He had a sadistic smirk on his face as he looked at my terrified expression. I tried to push him back and escape, but he held onto my shoulders tightly and slammed my back against a tree behind. I grimaced at the impact. He was coming closer to me. _Is he going to rape me?_ I stared back at him with pleading eyes. I could feel a tear or two spilling out from my eyes. He frowned, lifted his hand towards my face and wiped it with his sleeve.

"Why are you crying? You should be honoured that I'm taking you back." He said huskily. I was confused. If he was going to harm me, why would he do_ that_ to me? "You don't belong here." He said again, interrupting my thoughts. "It was hard to tell from afar, but I can see_ it_ in your eyes." His fingers trailed to the corner of my left eye gently. Then his eyes narrowed.

"But you have no idea, don't you?"

I have no idea what he is talking about. I shook my head, still scared.

"Never mind. Women are precious." He took a step backwards, allowing for space in between us. He held out a hand towards me. "Come with me. I will protect you from those lowly beings who are after your life." How did he know? I remained silent, but my mind was working furiously on the ways and chances of escaping. This is not going to be an easy feat.

He grabbed my arm and hauled me to him. Although I've always thought that he looked magnificently gorgeous, he was a villain and I struggled to break free.

"Why are you struggling? Just give in." He said again in his low, erotic voice that sent shivers down my spine. "You feel lonely all this while, don't you? Those dogs of the Shogun will not be able to fulfil your desires and needs like I will. I am a demon. I am far more superior than the lowly human species." Maybe if he said these in a more loving manner, I may just go with him… He hit the nail with his words, maybe it was written all over my face? My longings, my hurts, my worries, perhaps Kazama understood me more. Perhaps what he was true, Shinsengumi weren't helping me answer the questions in my head. They've been keeping secrets from me. I felt left out, like I wasn't belonged, accepted. I raised my head, eyes slowly meeting Kazama's. Perhaps Kazama could help me. He was my only glimmer of hope.

"I-"

"Unhand her!" Shocked, I turned to see Saito, sword drawn in a combat stance at a short distance from us. "Saito-san…" I whispered. Kazama's grip on my wrist only tightened. It was clear, he wasn't going to let me go as easily as he did the last time. I was conflicted. Naturally if the Shinsengumi's here, I would run to them, but now, I'm hesitating. Should I go back to them? Would it be wise to just let them continue to deceive me? Kazama is a good person, right? Would it be wise to trust him? What should I do? There is just so much going through my head that I started feeling dizzy.

"Sakurai, are you alright?" Saito's voice sounded alarmed. I could see him glare at Kazama now. "What did you do to her?"

"I'm… I'm fine." I said wearily. There's a glint in Kazama's eyes, and he seems to have an idea. I didn't notice it, of course. I was very much focussing on Saito.

Kazama smirked evilly. "You lowly creature," He said in a lazy drawl. "Come at me with all your might and kill me. That is, if you can." Without hesitation, Saito charged towards him, swinging his sword expertly. Kazama dodged the first few strikes, then drew out his own sword to defend himself. He tossed me aside and I fell onto the ground with twigs and dried leaves. Should I make a run for it now that they're both distracted? But where?

I scrambled to my feet as I tried to get up. Kazama had inched his way quite close to me now, and he grabbed the back of my kimono, and pulled me hard from the back. It happened so fast, I know that I'm in front of him now, and I'm probably going to fall on my back-

"Ah!" I heard the sound of a sword, piercing through flesh. Wide eyed, I looked down at my blood stained kimono, and the tip of the sword that had just pierced through me. My breathing came in lapses as I realized what had befallen me. The sword was pulled back quickly. I collapsed to my knees, trembling. I felt Saito's arm around me, I saw his usually calm and composed face now twisted in agony and shock. Everything around me was numb.

How strange… That I didn't feel any pain at all.

I was bleeding profusely. A sword had just cut through me. I might have busted an organ or two. This is it? I'm just going to die like this? I coughed blood. It didn't hurt at all. Why didn't it hurt? I would expect myself to be screaming due to pain. I couldn't move. Was this really the end?

Kazama put his sword back into its sheath. "My job here is done. Make sure you consider what I've said to you." He gave a me one last satisfactory look, and disappeared. I heard his words. I pondered on its meaning. Saito was still holding me tight, telling me to hang on, and that I will be fine. He wasn't carrying me and running into town. Why wasn't he? Could he be scared that any sudden movement may cause the end of my life? Does he not realize that even if he left me there I could die any moment? I-

… I get it. He knew I was going to die for sure. He was just leaving me here to die. And when I die, he'll just bury me. I'm crying. This time, I was crying because of the pain I felt in my heart. I really liked Saito. I couldn't blame him. I didn't want to die like this. Someone, anyone, please help me…

x

The morning sun beat down on my face, glaring my eyes from beneath the lids. I lift a hand over my forehead to shield it. What happened? I sat up on my bed, seeing the my body bandaged up from the loosely tied kimono. So I survived? Shaking a little, I unravelled the bandages, hoping to see a gory wound or scar. How long have I been sleeping?

I blanked out upon seeing my bare stomach. There were no gory wounds or scars. Almost like I haven't been injured. I removed the bandages and wore my clothes properly. I got up from the futon, and swung the door open casually.

"Ah!" I blurted out. Saito was coincidentally in front of my room too. He looked very much shocked as I was. "S-Saito-san…"

"You shouldn't be getting up, you've not yet recovered." He said firmly now, frowning at me. Looking at the bandages I left on the floor, the tone of his voice sounded angry. "Why did you remove those bandages?"

Hearing so much feelings in Saito's usually impassive so weird. But he sounded like he cared for me. I wiped away the tears from my eyes. "I'm okay now, you don't have to worry." He was surprised, even I was surprised to why I cried. I was immensely relieved. What had happened then seemed like a terrible nightmare. It was then that I made my mind up to stay with the Shinsengumi. It's okay even if I don't get answers. I'm contented just to be here and live with everyone.

"I'm sorry." He said very quietly. His sword had pierced through me because Kazama used me as a shield. Since it was his sword, he felt that he had to take responsibility for it. I put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, puzzled, but still frowning. It was the first time I get to touch him and talk to him like this. I'm somehow thankful that I got injured.

"It wasn't your fault at all, please do not blame yourself." I said in a reassuring manner. He blinked and gazed at me, cheeks tinting a slight pink, to my obliviousness. He looked away. I wondered what's wrong? Chizuru was standing near us, offering to change my bandage for me. I quickly removed my hand from Saito's shoulder, and he also took his leave, mumbling something about leaving me to Chizuru.

Chizuru closed the door behind her, saying about how glad she was to see me awake and feeling better. I explained to her that my wounds have healed, and she seemed astonished. "How is that possible? It was such a deep wound, you couldn't have!" She exclaimed, then checking my stomach. It was weird to have someone, even though she may be a lady, to examine my bare body. It just felt weird. "This is strange…" She muttered, before adding quickly. "But it's good, anyway. It's good that you've recovered. I'm so glad!" I smiled back. I am glad too.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked.

"Three days, I think. Saito's been visiting you every day since. I think he still feels guilty about injuring you." Chizuru explained, smiling slightly. "I think he really cares about you, Sakurai. It's the first time I've ever seen him so scared when he carried you back to the Shinsengumi with Shizuka."

Shizuka? Why was she there?

"Shizuka found you two at the woods, somehow. And she treated you there, but you had to be brought back immediately and so Saito carried you here."

"H-He did?" I blushed at that. It was nice to know how Saito was caring for me, but I know it's because I got injured by him.

"Yeah." Chizuru put a hand on mine and gave it a little squeeze. "Saito-san may look aloof all the time, but deep down he's actually a very caring and kind person." I know he was. Not just him, but I know everyone isn't as bad as they look. They were like a family. Chizuru left shortly to prepare lunch and I stayed in my room to rest for a while. When it felt like I needed to move around, I stepped out of my room and walked to the courtyard. Saito was practicing his sword fiercely, not taking his eyes off his straw target. With one deft movement of the sword, the target was sliced into three parts. He went on to slice the other targets. He looked very suave as he did, but somehow, I don't feel as happy as I did before when I watched him secretly. It was like he wanted to take things off his mind. I decided to leave him alone. I was sure that if he saw me, he wouldn't feel any better.

I continued to walk around the compound. How did Shizuka find me anyway? I thought to myself. To me, she was very mysterious. Sure, she may be a demon, but, something was just amiss. Did she have something to do with Kazama? I was sure I was a goner then, how did she manage to treat my wounds? Then again, my wounds, how did it heal so fast, and not leaving a scar? Who am I? Or rather, what am I? Could I possibly be a demon like Chizuru too?

_Ah, I forgot_. I stopped walking, after placing a foot in front. I shouldn't ask myself too much, it's because of these questions that I've been keeping in my head that blocks my relationship with others. It's better to stay in denial than to know the truth which could change my life forever.

'_Oh?'_ It was that voice I heard the other day again. I spun around. This time, Hijikata wasn't here. _'What did I miss? It seems like I've been sleeping for a quite a while already.'_ That voice sounded playful and eerie. _'Hmm? Why do you look so surprised? It's only me.'_ She laughed, and her laughter made me shiver.

"Sakurai." I turned to see Shizuka, glaring at me with suspicious eyes. "Why are you spacing out?"

"There's a voice! Didn't you hear it?" I cried out, scared and desperate. She shook her head, but narrowing her eyes at me. "Are you sure it isn't because you still have not rested enough? Your injury was quite serious." She asked coldly. It couldn't be.

"My injuries healed fully!" I insisted. "Perhaps, is there a ghost residing here?" Shizuka didn't looked the tiniest bit surprised.

"Not that I know of." She raised an eyebrow at me. "However, if you do hear anything else, you've got to tell me." She added quietly and left. What did she mean? I don't want to hear anything more from that ghost! _'Oh my, don't be afraid.'_ The voice chuckled. _'I won't harm you.'_

I ran to my room as fast as I could and shut the door. "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I tried not to sound loud. _'Hmm? What are you saying? I am you. I am your inner self. I've been awoken by you.' _The voice sounded amused as it chortled. "Awoken by me…? What do you mean?" My heart was thumping fast. Whatever she was going to say could probably be the revelation of my being in this era.

'_Hmm, well, let's see here.'_ I felt the shiver down my spine again. It felt like she was touching me from within. '_You got injured, didn't you? It was quite a bad injury, but I fixed you up. Although, it was also thanks to that injury that I was freed._' My hands moved to where the wound should have been. _'That seal over there has been broken. But that's just one of the many seals they left in you, so that I would be sealed in your body forever. For now, I can only talk to you and heal your wounds, but I won't be able to use my power because the other seals are holding me back.'_ I took many steps back until my back touched the wall. My breathing laboured as I clasped my mouth with my hands.

"Are you… Are you the Shinrabanshou?"

'_Oh, so I see they're still sticking to that nickname. But that's okay. I don't want to have a same name as a filthy human's.'_ I trembled violently. There was such a dangerous creature inside of me? How did this happen? And why? "Why are you inside of me?" I asked, on the verge of tears, my voice strained. "Why am I here?"

'_I would like to know that as well. But since I'm in you already, you might as well make full use of me.'_ I could feel her smirk. "Use you?"

'_Don't you realize it yet? The people around you, everyone, is using us. No one's our ally. They want me, they all want to use me. Don't you? Don't you want to use me to go back to your world?'_ I couldn't keep out her voice. I tried covering my ears, but her voice only sounded louder.

"Sakurai." I snapped out of it. Saito was standing at the door, giving me a concerned stare. "Are you okay? You don't look well." My hands dropped to my side. I smiled weakly at him, but it didn't convince him. He walked inside and put a hand over my forehead. I felt like my heart stopped when he did that. "It would appear that you have a fever," There was a hint of urgent worry in his voice. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out. I stretched out my hands and leaned close to him, and hugged him eventually. I was scared. I had a monster inside me. I was scared that I might become one eventually. I was scared that everyone will leave me. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't ask for this.

Saito didn't say anything either, and he allowed me to embrace him. He was too stunned for words, I could feel his body stiffened. I let go of him. He must really think I'm weird. I bowed and mumbled an apology. He stood there staring at me. He didn't seem like he was leaving anytime soon, so I decided to ask him something.

"Saito-san, what if… what will you do if…" I was stuttering again. My words couldn't form properly even in my head. I bit my lips. I was afraid of asking him even that. "What will you do if I become a beast?"

"You won't."

I got agitated. "What if!" I raised my head to glare into his eyes. His brows twitched and for a moment he fell silent.

"I will kill you." He said simply.

"I see," I muttered. I knew it. I looked defeated and he looked concerned.

I dashed out of my room, and out of the compound. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I have to get out of the Shinsengumi headquarters. I have to. That was not the place I belonged to. It will only be more dangerous if I stayed, for both themselves and me. I needed shelter and food, but it didn't concern me then. I was the Shinrabanshou, I had the immortal spirit living in me, I was certain I wouldn't die that easily. It rained. Rain was often ominous. I feel that in the end too. I was wet and cold, hungry, alone, with no one who really cares. I hid under the small shelter of the neighbouring shops. I cried. Loudly. There wasn't anyone there. It was quite dark. The clouds loomed over in the sky. Rain pelted down hard on me. I shivered and hugged myself. I've never felt so despaired in my life. Was there any hope for me? Who would even care for me? I'm not sure if it was the rain or my tears tickling my cheeks. There was no turning back now. it's now or never.


	4. Chapter 4

_There was no turning back now. it's now or never._

It seemed like forever for the sun to rise and the roosters to crow, and I didn't had a good sleep last night feeling all wet and cold, leaning onto the wall of a shop. Now and then I had to keep an eye out for perverts and rouges, but halfway through I was exhausted and slept throughout the night. I stood up and stretched. My clothes still felt damp and uncomfortable. I felt my forehead for a temperature. It didn't seem like I would be getting a fever anytime soon. I lifted my heavy feet, still drowsy, and took a step forward into the muddy streets filled with wet puddles.

'_What do you plan to do now?'_ I jumped. Sure, I recognised that voice. I bit my lower lip. Yes, that was a rash decision coming from me, but I do feel much more calmer now. I wasn't afraid of that voice and that thing living in my anymore.

"I will… Go and find the Emperor…" My voice was unstable. Even I was unsure of what to do next. I could hear a faint snicker of the Shinrabanshou, as if mocking me for being so useless. I really didn't know what to do for myself. Why did I let fear and anger cloud my judgement then? No, I can't, I can't go back now. I've made my decision to leave, and I shouldn't hesitate.

Someone grabbed my wrist and spun me around violently. "Where do you think you're going?"

I stopped breathing. It was Saito, and he didn't looked too happy. He had a deep frown on his face as he held onto my wrist so tightly that it hurts. I wanted to cry. I'm such a crybaby, but I can't stop the tears from coming out. I felt abandoned and uncared for all this time, but when Saito found me, it felt liked he cared for me. I was yearning for acceptance and love all the while. Saito's expression scared me. He started to loosen the grip, unsure of what to do seeing a woman cry as he raised another hand hesitantly. I thought he was going to slap me for my insolence. I cringed at that thought.

He put both hands on my face and wiped the tears. I could see his blush and his gentle expression. His eyes avoided mine for a second, but he gazed at me eventually. "I…" His lips parted as his soft voice said. "E-Everyone was worried about you when you left so suddenly." My face flushed into a furious red. Never in my life have I ever seen a guy do this to me. I-It felt so good… For some reason. We stared at each other for a while. S-Should I lean closer and kiss him? Wait, I'm so strange! I ran away from home, making up my mind never to have anything to do with the Shinsengumi and here I am, completely allured by one of the charming captains of the Shinsengumi and I am now wanting to kiss him. Could this be a trap? Was he forced to act like this? The Shinsengumi wanted me back, did they know I had the Shinranbanshou within me? Did they wanted to use me too, like everyone else does?

I pulled away from him, looking elsewhere. "I can't go back anymore and I won't." I said firmly, but I swear I sounded shaky. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Why?" His voice was stony and cold. I know what this meant. He wanted to know if I did something wrong and was perhaps punishable by the Shinsengumi. He loves his job very much and is devoted to it. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. So why am I so frustrated at that?

"I just can't!" I looked up at him, defiance in my eyes. "I-If I go back… What use can I be of anyway? I'm tired of living my life just doing household chores and worrying about things!"

"Where else can you go then?" He shot back icily. I stopped. He was right. There was nowhere I could go. Everyone is out to kill me. And I had begged the Shinsengumi for a place to stay. He was right. His words were so piercing, but I couldn't back down because of my pride.

"You don't have to care…" I said sadly. How contradicting. I wanted him to convince me to go back with him. I wanted him to care. He patted my head gently, and pushed my head towards him. His cheek and hair brushed past mine. I was stunned to response.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all these." His own voice sounded sad and it was too painful for me to hear. My fists clenched tightly. What have I done? "I know it's too much to ask of you, but please go back with me." _N-No… Please don't say that…_ I feel so ashamed. I covered his mouth with my hand. I didn't want him to go on. His words will only break my heart further. He was still feeling guilty for what had happened.

"I will go with you," I said hesitantly. Why can't I ever be firm in my decision and stopped being swayed by others? I hated myself. Wordlessly, Saito took my by the arm and pulled me as we walked towards the Shinsengumi headquarters. It was still early in the morning, there weren't any villagers in sight yet.

We were walking for quite a while, not talking since. I could see that he was always on his guard. I couldn't help but worry about what Hijikata will do to me. He was as fearful as a demon, I know he isn't going to let me off like that. Should I tell them the real reason why I ran away? Will they believe me? Wait, everyone's out to get me, so I can't possibly do that. What if they kill me once they know I have the Shinrabanshou? I stopped, causing Saito to jerk a little. He turned to look at me seriously.

"I'm afraid." I said, gazing up at him with hopeful and teary eyes. He sighed and let go of me.

"You shouldn't have ran away then. I'm not sure what he will do to you, but you shouldn't worry."

That's right, he won't do anything to me. I've got a backup plan.

But, I'm still afraid of his scolding. I've never been able to take any fierce talk since young. I would always breakdown. I bet the people there are thinking that I'm such a crybaby.

We arrived back in the meeting room, my legs turning to jelly every step I take. Hijikata sat down, eyes closed, arms crossed and fuming. I looked around the room. They were all either displeased or shaking their heads in silence. Like I didn't know how bad the situation was already. I sighed softly, twiddling my thumbs. It's time to face the music.

"Start speaking." He said in an angry tone. This wasn't good… I can't expect to lie now. He would surely see through it. This is it, then? I guess that even if they are going to kill me, I probably wouldn't die anyway. If I did, then I'm probably going back to my own world. This was probably just a dream and-

"If you're trying to desperately come up with an excuse, then I'd suggest you don't." Okita smirked. "Okita is right. You should just come clean with us." Sannan pushed his spectacles up again. _Come clean? You guys were the ones hiding secrets from me_, I wanted to say. Scream, even.

"Are you also after the Shinranbanshou?" I asked, directing my question to Hijikata. He frowned at me, before taking a quick glance at Shizuka.

"We do not want to have anything to do with demons, but the resurface of that thing had caused an uproar within the ranks of many other clans and association. This is definitely something we, as Shinsengumi cannot ignore." I stared at him dumbly. Can he just speak in normal Japanese which I can understand? Besides, he's avoiding my question. Cannot ignore? I thought deeply. Could there be any hidden meanings inside?

"In short, he means that if the Shinrabanshou is of any threat to us, we will have to step in and take action." Sannan clarified, knowing that I was unable to comprehend. Hijikata arched a brow at him, then sighed deeply. I realized they stopped asking me for an explanation.

"If? How can you be so uncertain?" I couldn't hold it back anymore. This was my chance, so I have to make use of every opportunity I get. Hijikata pinched his nose bridge, looking mildly irritated.

"This isn't something you should know." He glared at me.

"Isn't something I should know? Why shouldn't I when I have the Shinrabanshou within me?" I couldn't control my loudness as I exasperated. These guys were unbelievable. There was a long silence as everyone stared at me, shocked.

"Shizuka." Hijikata said, voice strained.

Shizuka frowned at me. "I should have known when you got stabbed." I thought I saw Saito twitched at that. "It all makes sense too, when you claimed to have heard a voice speaking to you. So the Shinrabanshou inside of you has been awoken." People were now gasping in horror.

"How would you know of such things?" I asked again, staring fiercely into her eyes. There was something about her, something about her that told me she knew everything, that she could give me the answer I wanted.

"I was the previous host of the Shinrabanshou. I was a human foetus then, not a full-grown baby yet when I was torn out from my mother's womb by a rogue samurai." I blinked at her, bewildered. She goes on, "I was saved by the Shinrabanshou when it placed me inside of it so that I could continue to grow and be born normally, and because it was a demon, I came to be one as well. It would also appear that the Shinrabanshou needed a host every now and then in order to keep alive. It was highly sought after by both humans and demons, because it had the power to destroy and conquer the whole world, but there are also some parties who prefer to seal it forever and destroy it in order to balance the peace in the world."

"The Shinsengumi remains neutral about the decision." Kondou added quickly. I turned to look at him. This was too much information, I needed time to absorb it. That would explain why most demons know about Shizuka, since they had all been after the Shinrabanshou for a long time.

"What will you do to me, knowing that I have the Shinrabanshou inside of me?" I trembled as I asked. It was like a horror movie, I wanted to know yet I don't. Kondou, Sannan and Hijikata exchanged glances. Kondou was the one who spoke up.

"We hope to keep you here, partly for your safety, and partly for our observation. If anything goes amiss with you, we might have to… kill you… Please understand… We do not wish to harm you either, but if the Shinrabanshou were to destroy everything, we've got a duty to uphold." He looked pleading. I know it was hard for him to say these things.

"I understand." But who will understand me? My pain? My suffering? I was going insane.

Chizuru, who had been keeping silent all the while only gave me worried looks. Did she know about it too? Why did they all keep it from me? After another round of frantic explanation from Kondou and Hijikata, I was told to go back to my room and stay there until it was lunch. I obliged quietly, even if I did protest, what good will it do?

I sat in my room staring blankly into space. At first nothing came to my mind. I was just spacing out, until I heard some excited chatter from outside the paper door. It sounded like Sano and Shinpachi who were just passing by, but I swear I heard them mentioning something about Saito. Did something happen to him? I pray not. I stared anxiously at the door. I wanted to go out, but I was given strict orders not to. The Shinrabanshou remained quiet all this time too. What was she scheming now? My heart throbbed even faster. I couldn't take it anymore, staying inside my room alone is pointless to heck. I went forward, pushed the sliding door noiselessly and tiptoed into the corridors, hiding behind pillars each time I feel something was amiss.

It didn't take me long to reach Sano and Shinpachi. I hid at a reasonable distance away from them, and since they were both loud I could hear them even from afar.

"Man, I bet that lady's a beauty!" Shinpachi groaned. They must be talking about those geishas they patronize at the red light district, I sighed. I was about to turn around when Sano said something that froze me.

"That may be so. You should have seen Saito's expression then when she kissed him! I bet Saito's still feeling happy about it inside." Although Sano was saying it in a joking manner, it didn't felt funny to me. To me, this piece of news felt as though as it was announced Saito was injured severely and his life was in danger. I felt torn apart. The pain at my heart kept tugging at my chest; it won't go away. I walked away quickly. That's right. Up till now, Saito's only ever felt guilty about me. There were no other feelings. I should have known better. He would never like me. Of course, that lady must have been very pretty. Of course, he will definitely like her too. Of course, he would find her and start a family with her. Of course…

I clamped my mouth as I lean against a wall and slide pathetically down on the floor, hugging my knees to myself as I wailed softly. This was bad… I really liked Saito now… I was jealous, angry, sad, frustrated, lonely again. Of course, I said to myself over and over again. I'm the Shinrabanshou, how could anyone ever fall in love with me? And start a family with me? That would be insane. The very thought of it was not even the slightest bit possible. Stop dreaming. Stop wasting your time on him, on anyone. Stop having such emotions. Stop crying.

'_Do you really like him?'_ The all too familiar voice asked, void of sympathy and concern. "It's none of your business." I spat and stood up. This was such a perfect time to disturb me. If it was going to taunt me any further, I might just commit suicide.

'_If you really like him,'_ it went on to say. _'You can make him like you, you know.'_ At that moment, everything stopped as I considered its words. _'Use me.'_ I can feel its evil smirk. _'Use my power. Free me and I shall give you the desires of your heart. I am at _your_ disposal.'_

"I can't!" I tried to reason while I still have a rational mind. "No, it's wrong! And I can't free you! They will just kill me in the end…"

'_They will, won't they? But don't you realize they will kill you anyway?'_ I gasped. That somehow… felt true… _'It's not like I have plans to destroy this country or anything, but I will do so in order to protect myself. Don't you feel weak and powerless? Don't you want to help anyway, even if the Shinsengumi were hostile to you? Don't you want some power so that they won't ever oppress you again?'_ It's true, it's all true. I wanted that so badly now, it's even more than my desire for affection and love. No one's going to treat me badly now. They wouldn't dare. I would be able to live freely too, without having to live in fear and doubt. There was a roar of mad laughter inside my head, and my hand twitched and begin to move, trembling, up to my waist, to where my sword in my sheath lay. "What are you going to do?" I asked, alarmed. My hand grabbed onto the sword loosely and was pulling out the sword with little effort. Then I remembered what Shizuka said.

"_I should have known when you got stabbed."_

Will injuring myself break the seals that was holding it back? Were the seals located all around my body? Is it going to cut me? I was afraid, of the pain, the scar, the blood, the act.

'It won't hurt even the tiniest bit,' the mad voice cackled with maniac laughter once again, it vaguely reminded me of a mentally unstable fury.

"What are you doing?" I heard a sharp voice exclaimed and shove my sword away onto the ground. It was Saito, the least person I wanted to see right now. I didn't face him, but I felt so petrified that my legs gave up on me and I fell onto the ground, kneeling and shaking. Somehow he realized that was not me who was about to cut me, as he too knelt down to face me and put a hand gently on my shoulder. I couldn't resist his touch. I didn't have the much will to even shake his hand off. Why am I so weak?

"I'm sorry."

I was in a daze, I couldn't tell whether if it's he or me who said it. It was probably me, anyway. I looked down on my hands. "I'm really sorry for troubling you all the time. I don't want to be weak and useless to you. But…" Round three of tears spilling out. "I really like you, Saito-san." This was my very first time ever confessing to a guy, and great, confessing while I'm crying. I was beyond embarrassed. Luckily no one else was there, otherwise I may just kill myself on the spot. In fact I was ready to do that, since Saito's going to say some elaborated speech about how he doesn't like me at all and he was only doing his duty and blah.

"I don't need you to like me." I clutched my fist. I wasn't going to depend on a guy and on love. It doesn't determine my life. "But I can't help but feel pain in my heart when I heard that you just kissed a lady…" I felt stupid for saying that bit out. "And a pretty lady at that…" Cue stupid being stupider. I didn't bother to even peep at his reaction. I think he was stunned, I could feel his hand twitched. I think he's trying to think of nice ways to turn me down, and I didn't want to hear that. I stood up and bowed. "Don't worry, I'll find some other guy to like. So you don't have to worry about me doing silly things." I waited for a second for his response, but it didn't seem cool so I left hurriedly back to my room. He didn't say anything at all! I cursed in my mind as I kicked the neighbouring pillars again. _Hajime Saito, who do you think you are? Do you really think you're that handsome? Do you think you're that cool?_ I gritted my teeth and made some frustrated noises. _After all that I've went through just to confess to you… And this is what I get? You no-good loser, stupid fool, foolish idiot…_ I bit my lips and my brows furrowed. "Do you really think that I like you?" I heard myself cry out. "Of course I don't! I was lying to you! You're a fool if you believed that! And do you know how many people actually fall head over heels over me?! No one ever dares to defy my orders in the palace!" I kicked the pillar so hard, my foot hurt. "You self-conceited idiot…" I grimaced as I leaned my head against the pillar, shoulders slumped and depressed.

"Don't go about and fall in love with other guys…" I whirled around, because I knew who that was. Saito stood there, looking uneasy. I frown. "Just because you don't like me doesn't mean I can't like anyone else." I retorted. _You proud imbecile-_

"Who says that…" He was hesitating. "That…" He bit his lower lip, before moving them to speak and flashing his confident eyes at me. "I like you." To me, by putting all these words together, it sounded like… Who says that I like you. That made me furious. I turned around and started to storm off. It was useless trying to talk to this guy. I feel like I'm about to bust a vein.

He grabbed my hand, almost like pulling me, stopping me. "Why did you walk off? I said I… L-Like… Y-You…" He stuttered. I stared at him blinking. Did I heard right?

"S-Say it again."

"S-Say what again?"

It was my first time seeing Saito lose his cool and calm composure. I could feel our body temperature rising and our faces flushed.

"N-Never mind…" I mumbled, and prepared to walk off. It might just be an illusion after all. I may be hearing things. God I need some sleep.

"I like you." That was it. I caught my breath as he finished the sentence, still holding onto my hand. _No! Why must you say such things now? What am I to do? Should I hug him? Or k-kiss him? Are we a couple now? What is going to happen?_ I really didn't know what to do because I've never been in a relationship. I was in a mental hysteria.

"I-I see." The moment I finished saying it, I was prepared to stab myself a hundred times. It sounded lame! But then again what was I supposed to say? It was Saito's turn to blink at me, confused. All of the sudden he dragged me forcefully into a corner, a dead-end. It seemed that there were some footsteps going our way just now. I looked around. Just nearby, there was a huge sakura tree in full bloom. I gazed at it, marvelling in my mind at how beautiful it was. _I've never seen a sakura tree in my whole life…_

Saito caught me staring at the tree and he put an arm over my shoulder and pulled me to him, until I was leaning on him sideways. I looked up at him; he averted his gaze to the tree opposite. I've never seen him so at ease. He seemed so happy just by looking at the flowers.

"Do you like the cherry blossoms, Saito-san?" I couldn't help but ask. He lowered his head, nodding.

"I do." He whispered. My heart fluttered. That was such an endearing side to him. He was usually portrayed as cold and emotionless, but seeing him here right now, it's almost as if he's a totally different person. I liked this time spent with him, in silence as we enjoy the lovely sight of falling cherry blossoms. Sometimes words are just not enough to describe how we feel, so we kept quiet. It's like being in his presence brings me joy that I cannot describe. We stood there for seconds just admiring the scenery. I got distracted when he squeezes my hand, which I had only just realized that he was still holding my hand all this while.

"I will protect you." His voice had some sort of steel in it. I took time to ponder over the meaning of his words before replying him.

"It's your duty after all." I said with a slight hint of disappointment. He then pulled me into an embrace, and I fell face flat onto his lean and strong body.

"I will get that thing out from you, somehow." I put my hand on his chest for support and raised my head slowly, looking up at him. "Till then, will I have the honour of making you my wife?"

I hid my face and bury it in his chest due to embarrassment. _Idiot, we haven't even started dating and you're already thinking of marriage… What am I supposed to say?!_

"Do you… Do you not want it…?" I heard him say uncertainly, almost like he was scared. "I know that as a samurai my life is constantly being threatened and I may not even live to see the next day but I-" I put a finger to his lips. I didn't want to hear anymore of his own condemnation. Quickly, I retracted my finger.

"Don't say that. Of course I'd be more than delighted to marry you…" I said softly. We both gazed into each other's eyes for a while, before he came nearer to me. I didn't think much of that at first, but then I got flustered when he's actually closing the distance between us, bending down, eyes on my shaky lips and his lips slowly touched mine eventually. I melted in his embrace as he hug me tighter to him, supporting my head as he puts one hand behind it, pulling me even closer then I am to him as he deepens the kiss. I've never been kissed, so he was just doing everything. He pulls back, inches from my face, looking at me. I didn't look at him, I was blushing so madly. He went back to pressing his lips to mine again. This went on for about a minute or so, before our lips pull apart again, gazing lovingly at me. I felt my hand move to where my lips were.

"I'm sorry, were you surprised?" He apologized, his face bashful.

"Well, I certainly am surprised!" We both gasped in horror as we saw Sano, just opposite of us, folding his arms and looking miraculously. "Shocked, even!" He laughed lightly and walked over. Immediately we broke our initial contact and were standing in a comfortable distance away. Sano laughed again at this. "I would never expect Saito to be so… endearing and loving to a girl!" He said, trying to choose the right words.

"Sano, keep your volume down." Saito said in his usual impassive tone, this time with strictness.

"Okay okay," Sano grinned at me and patted my head. "But I'm glad you decided to take care of her. I was worried that she'd be left alone and neglected, you know?" Saito's eyes slide over to me, but when I met his gaze he avoided it. "Don't worry, Saito may appear to be cold and aloof but deep down he's a loyal and caring person! I feel more assured when you're in his hands now. Is this relationship supposed to be a secret?" He teased as he turned to look at Saito, whose stare was fixed at Sano himself. Sano shrugged, as if he wasn't expecting a reply from Saito. "Be careful then. You know it's a taboo right? For humans and demons to be together." Sano said seriously, narrowing his eyes.

"She's not a demon." Saito replied coldly. Sano smiled warmly at him, then at me. "Tell me if Saito ignores you, alright? I'm always there to lend you a shoulder to rely on!"

Taken aback, I shook my hands. "Oh, no, it's fine!" Saito sighed. Sano laughed again. "Well then, I'm here to tell Saito to report to the hall right away. Hijikata calls for an urgent meeting." Sano lifted his hand from my head and gestured Saito to follow him.

Saito stepped forward, but looked at me over the shoulders. "I will be going." I nodded enthusiastically, and the two walked away hurriedly. In the end I was left alone again, but this time, there wasn't a feeling of emptiness inside anymore. I felt so happy, like an idiot in love.

'_You should never trust humans…'_

x

Omg yes. Cliffhanger (y) it's a trick to keep you guys coming XD anyway, I would like to thank all my fellow reviewers for your continued support! I know I'm not a great writer so please bear with me. To tell the truth, I'm actually having a writer's block every now and then because sometimes I'm just so lazy to continue it and also because my addiction to Hakuouki is fading away. This is when all of your precious reviews gave me support to write on! *bows deeply* Thank you all once again!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi guys (girls, specifically), I know I promised you all I'd draw more didn't I? Hopefully this attempt will be better. I got lazy drawing my OC so… (Just copy and paste on the URL bar bit by bit, FF wouldn't allow me to post the complete link :S)

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and then add without the spacing: n . jpg

It's your reward for staying with me up till now. ^-^

x

'_You should never trust humans…'_

I wonder what she meant? I thought it over as I was preparing lunch with Chizuru. She happened to ask me to do it with her and since I wanted to make myself useful, I was happy to oblige. I presumed the Shinrabanshou is a she, since I've heard stories of it describing it as a demonic woman with long snow white hair and blood red eyes that pierces through the soul. The very thought sounded creepy. What's even creepier is that this demonic woman with snow white hair and blood red eyes now lives inside of me. "Ouch!" I let out a tiny squeal as I had accidentally scalded my finger against the burning pot of soup. Chizuru was too engrossed with cutting up the meat and veggies. I sighed. She really seemed like an ideal wife. Unlike me, I'm boorish. How did Saito end up liking me too? Everything's a mystery.

We had some idle chat while waiting for the food to cook. I was so glad to have Chizuru around, she's a great friend who confides in me and makes me feel relaxed in this place. She makes me feel human again, even though she's not. We were laughing to ourselves when Heisuke burst into the kitchen.

"Heisuke? Is something wrong?" Chizuru asked, puzzled. I too stared at him blankly. He looked flustered.

"Chizuru! We're… We're going to battle!" Heisuke blurted out, then taking a suspicious glance at me. "The imperial army has declared war against the Shinsengumi! We're heading out to the forest to settle this." His voice sounded tight. "Hijikata ordered you two, including Gen-san to stay here and guard the Headquarters. I have to go!" My heart dropped. War? The imperial army? What was the emperor thinking? Could it have something to do with me? I clamped a hand over my mouth as Heisuke left hurriedly. Chizuru blew out the fire which was cooking the food, and cleaned the place. We ran out of the kitchen, just in time to see the rest of the captains filing out from the main hall.

I stared straight up at Saito. I wanted to tell him to take me with him, that perhaps I can clear the misunderstanding. My presence will surely shock the army, and perhaps they will have second thoughts, and retreat on account of my past relations with the emperor. But I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. He stared at me too, then lowered his gaze, mind drifted.

"Let's go. We don't have much time." Hijikata said in a loud and commanding voice, beckoning everyone to follow his back. Saito took one last glance at me and left. Why wasn't he saying anything? I was in despair. This was probably all my fault. Was he toying with me just now? Did the kiss even happen?

Chizuru and I waited anxiously inside the main hall with Gen. To put our minds at ease, he spoke softly on the achievements and traits of the Shinsengumi men. Despite all that manly achievements, I pointed out mentally, they are still prepared to lay their life in the battlefield because they are prepared to. War is not as simple as you think, I made a deep frown. I wasn't mad at Gen, but I was mad at myself, for being utterly useless and causing so much trouble. I was hopeless. What could I do? I-

My head shot up. "Gen-san, where is the battle taking place?"

"Hmm? On the outskirts of the city- Where are you going?!" Gen's voice rose to a holler as I ran as fast as I could, out of the headquarters, Gen tried to keep up, but in the end he stopped. He couldn't leave the compound to Chizuru alone. I could feel his angry glare burn into my back which faced him all the time. I was afraid that if I looked back, I would see him behind me and he would stop me and lock me up. No, I have to go. I have to see the battle for myself. _He_ might just be there, and then I'd get all the answer I wanted. And they're probably fighting because of me.

I ran out of breath as I panted heavily, squatting as I breathed hard. I was in town now. The outskirts of town? I then remembered the place Kazama took me. If… If I followed the route he brought me, and if I recalled correctly, I might just reach the Shinsengumi. I breathed again, and made my way swiftly past the shops and inns, looking around. Yes, I think I have an idea. Yes, I remembered that dango shop… which meant that I should be reaching the gate in no time. I tried to walk quickly. I was exhausted by now. I didn't have much sleep yesterday night. Still there was no time to lose. I reached the gate, there were more guards than usual. I asked if I could pass through, but they spoke vaguely about a fight going on and for my safety I cannot go. I tried to argue with them, and even lied, but they turned me away fiercely.

Walking away, I tried to think of a plan. I glanced over at my shoulders. I could climb the wall which was connected to the gate… Wait, screw that, the wall's too high up for me to reach. What if I break my bones or something? I narrowed my eyes at the wall. It's my only chance. I should take the risk. After all, I'm the Shinrabanshou, I wouldn't die that easily.

I made sure I was far enough away from them, and hesitantly, I grabbed onto the uneven surface of the wall and forced myself up. I wasn't good at rock-climbing back in my world, but it's too late to back out now. Truthfully, I have a fear of heights. My legs are shaky now. _Don't look down_, I hissed mentally. _It's alright, everything's going to be alright, just take another step up… _I wanted so much to just go down and go home. I'm not a ninja, I don't want to endanger myself. I pulled myself up as I reached the top of the wall. I stared down. Now the problem was, how do I get down? I swallowed hard. _Okay, I'm just going to jump and-_

I muffled my scream as I hopped down from the two storey tall wall, and fell on my feet. I kneeled. It was painful. My feet ached. This was no time to rest, the guards from the gate probably heard me. I had to make my way to the Shinsengumi as soon as possible.

Lord Iemochi, I remembered. He was the only person in the palace whom I could count on. My existence and appearance in this world was kept secret, and only he and the emperor would know. They were very nice people, but the emperor could not be seen with me all the time, so Lord Iemochi was the one who took care of all my needs. He was patient and kind, although he was a warlord. He helped to cover up all my mistakes and forgave me readily. I was very happy to be there, he was like a relative, an uncle, to me. Until that day, I remember, that day when everything start to go wrong and chaotic. There were killings in the palace, at least, I saw the bloodshed everywhere I ran. He escorted me to the back door where I should be able to escape safely, but he was not able to go with me. I was so frightened, I couldn't stop crying. No one told me why it happened. I remember the last word he said to me.

"_Run!" _

I ran through the woods. I could hear faint shouting in the distant. Did the war already start? This is not good. I panted heavily. I'm out of breath. I can't, I've no more energy left. I couldn't move. I was exhausted. I panted again. I could hear the sound of my loud breathing. I closed my eyes, sitting among the pile of dried leaves. _No, don't,_ I forced my eyes open. I was about to fall asleep. I crawled. I couldn't walk, so I could only crawl. My hands were aching. As I reached forward to grab the roots of a tree, a wind blew past me. It felt strangely ominous.

"Hmm. You look so pathetic now." He grabbed my chin roughly and lift it up to him. The sun glared at my eyes as I squinted at him. The last person I would ever want to see. I flung his hand weakly away, and my head fell flat onto the dirt. His voice had some sort of distaste in it. "It just makes me furious that demons end up in a state such as yours." Kazama Chikage grabbed the back of my kimono and forced me to my wobbly feet. He glared at me scornfully. I had a feeling that he's going to say something like, I'm a demon and I shouldn't be helping the Shinsengumi and I should join him and blah. My mind was made up. Hopefully.

I didn't talk. I was too tired to. I even had trouble focusing on him. I blinked wearily and fell into his arms. He seems mildly surprised, but he caught me. I was tired, but no unconsciously. I wanted to push myself to my own feet, but against him I was powerless.

"If you really want to see those foolish humans fight, then I shall take you there." His sexily raspy voice said to me, holding me firmly and carrying my legs with another. I was now carried in his arms. I stared at him. I was never carried by a man, not one as good looking as him. I blushed and looked away. If Saito saw this, he'd surely kill him. Or will he? I knit my brows. "Why?" I asked him shakily. Unusual as his affection may be, I was still scarred by him the previous time we met. He's a demon, there's no telling what he will do to me again. His lips curled into a mischievous smile.

"So that you will watch how those pitiful humans kill themselves and die." He said sinisterly. I cringed. "I'm not here to watch them die! I need to see if he's there!" I exclaim loudly. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if annoyed by my sudden outburst.

"Who?"

I felt uncomfortable. Should I tell him? But it really isn't any of his business, right? "Why should you care?" I asked, stuttering. I dare not show any impudence to someone such as he. He looked pissed and snarled at me.

"Because you obviously do not know the importance of you." I blinked at that. "Those humans will only want to make use of you. They are selfish and greedy, and they want to overpower the demons-"

"That's not true!" I yelled at him. _That's not true…_ I thought sadly. That's not true. Saito, Chizuru, everyone, they are not like that… I sobbed silently. But what if Saito was making use of me all the while? What if he had never loved me? Kazama stopped walking and was staring at me, amused. He saw how defeated I looked and he chuckled to himself, mildly pleased. "It's not too late to turn back now," He said suggestively, but still with that dark aura around him. "No." I said firmly. I wish, I could stop having so much doubts. He shrugged, "Suit yourself. But I will be coming back for you anyway." I do not like the meaning behind his words, but I was thankful for his help… and understanding right now.

It didn't take long for us to reach the battlefield, it seems that the war still has not started yet, but Hijikata was yelling at some man in armor on his opposite. We were covered by the trees nearby. The field they were standing was huge and grassy. I can't tell who he is, but he definitely felt familiar. It doesn't look like the dispute is going off well. Kazama let me down. I was about to thank him, but he disappeared into thin air. I stared into the woods for seconds, before hearing someone shout something about starting the war now. I ran towards them, stumbling on my feet a little. The men had unsheathed their swords and were swinging it against the enemy. It was dangerous for me to barge in like that, and I tried screaming at the top of my voice, telling them to stop.

"Stop! Stop fighting!" I screamed. "Stop! Please! Lord Iemochi!" Somehow, my voice seemed to reach that man. He whirled around, looking desperately. I tried to avoid getting into their way, and took a few steps back.

"Don't let your guard down!" Hijikata shouted and swung his sword at him, and he defended it well. Hijikata glanced around at the situation, and his eyes widened when he saw me, trying to avoid getting hit. "You!" Hijikata was beyond furious. He tried to make his way towards me, but his opponent wasn't going to let him go easily. Okita and Shinpachi spotted me too, and were hollering to me, telling me to get away. Saito must have known I was here too. I wasn't going to give up. Then I caught a glimpse of _him_. It had to be _him_, yes, I know that he's a general of the imperial army, I couldn't be wrong!

"Lord Iemochi! Is that you- Ah!" I was almost sliced up by the imperial soldiers. The man, presumably a warlord, immediately called for the war to cease. Hijikata and the rest were immensely shocked, but Hijikata and Kondou went over to me. I was shaking terribly. Although the war just started and there were almost no casualties, it felt so scary. Hijikata raised a hand. I could tell he wanted to hit me. I shut my eyes tightly.

"Stop!" A man grabbed Hijikata's wrist. I opened my eyes. It was clear now. Seeing him up close, the man in armor was definitely Lord Iemochi. I felt so relieved, and I could see the smile bursting on his face.

"Sakurai! You're safe!" He said joyfully, embracing me and caressing my head. "I got so worried, when you were separated from us. I thought you wouldn't make it…"

"Lord Iemochi, the emperor-" He pulled me away, hand grasping my shoulders. "He wants you to come back. We need you back in the palace." Everyone was just staring dumb-founded, even me, at him. Then suddenly he kneeled on one knee. "Please come back with us, princess." The rest of the Shinsengumi gasped, and everyone from the imperial army kneeled in respect. I got flustered, and look at the Shinsengumi. My eyes met with Saito's at first, but he turned away again.

"P-Princess?" Kondou look at me in disbelief. Lord Iemochi stood up and patted my shoulder, giving him a proud nod. "Why didn't you tell us?" Kondou exasperated at me. I gulped. No one will believe me anyway. I couldn't trust them back then. Lord Iemochi looked at Kondou, and then explained things calmly to him. Soon, the dispute was settled, and Lord Iemochi called his troops back.

"Princess," He said, nudging me. "We're going." I was staring at the Shinsengumi all the while. Why, the palace was at least a hundred times more comfortable than at their headquarters, but a part of me felt that it was like home there. "I can't," I whispered. "I can't go back, I'm sorry…" I could hear small gasps coming from the Shinsengumi side, but even Lord Iemochi himself lost his calm composure.

"Are you sure about this?" He asks warily. "It's not that I can't trust the Shinsengumi…" He didn't seem so certain about that as he glances over at Hijikata. "The people who are after you will stop at nothing to get their hands on you. You will be better protected in our hands-"

"But the palace was under attack previously, wasn't it?" Hijikata arched a brow at him, scoffing. Lord Iemochi grunted, obviously displeased. Speaking of which, why did the two of them fight? "Please, Lord Iemochi," Kondou took a step forward, his face serious yet gentle looking. "We do not wish to fight against you, and I believe that our motives are the same." He looked at me with a warm smile. "Ever since Sakurai joined us, she's like a part of us, and we'd do anything to ensure her safety." He sounded determined, but more importantly, I stood in disbelief at the words he had just said. Did he just called me… A part of them?

"Hmph," Lord Iemochi looked less angry now. "Lord Ieyasu mentioned about our princess being with the Shinsengumi, and I thought for sure something was amiss. I hope I will not be wrong in my decision in trusting you. The Shinsengumi may not have the most reputable name, but if the princess says so, then," He looked very reluctant. "I shall leave her in your care." Kondou grinned happily and shook hands with him, chatting noisily. Even Hijikata had a small smile forming on his lips. Shortly after, Lord Iemochi bid me a long farewell and we went to our separate ways. As usual, Kondou and Hijikata walked in front of the crowd to lead the way. I was behind them, surrounded by Sano, Heisuke and Shinpachi who were exclaiming how shocked they were knowing that I'm a princess. I wanted to tell them that's not the case. I wasn't born one. I was only given the title so that I could stay there permanently. I mean, I couldn't possibly be called a palace maid or faked as someone else's daughter, and I certainly wouldn't want to be a concubine. But who would marry me anyway, knowing that I was the Shinrabanshou?

Saito kept a distance away from me, I noticed. I wonder what happened? Things just felt uneasy between us now. He wouldn't look at me, much less talk to me even. It did felt awkward being around him. While walking I felt scared, I was scared of Gen. He look incensed moments ago. Well, I didn't see his face, but I was sure he was infuriated. Hijikata was in the front nagging at me for leaving the compound. I felt even more guilty and I could feel myself shrinking smaller.

We reached the compound, with Gen-san standing at the entrance waiting with anxiety. He saw me, and looked immensely relaxed now. He chided me gently for running off just now, but he wasn't entirely angry at me. "You must know that I'm angry because I was worried for your safety. Do you know that your rashness could have cost you?" He said sternly, before sighing. That took a load off my mind, I thought for sure he would not let me off easily. Gen-san is really a kind man, I was so glad I chose to stay here in the end.

Night fell. It was a cool night. I requested to have dinner alone in my room because I said I didn't feel quite well. Yes, I was beyond exhausted, but also I couldn't stand being in the same room as Saito anymore. It makes me feel so uncomfortable now. I sighed deeply as I put my chopsticks down on the tray. "Gochisousama…" I said quietly. I remembered how contented I was after a meal, especially with the rest of the captains in the dining hall. They always made mealtimes so enjoyable.

Morning. I didn't realize how quickly time had passed. When did I fall asleep? My meal tray was still in my room. My futon was still tidy. I actually slept on the floor last night. Did I collapse? My back ached as I tried to stand. I took the tray and slid my door open. I tried to keep my movements silent as I walked past the rooms of the other captains. It was still very early in the morning, it seems. I could hear Heisuke snoring from within his room. I slipped into the kitchen. Even Chizuru wasn't inside. Just what time was it? I scooped a small bucket of water from the well nearby and washed my bowl and tray. I stepped out of the kitchen. The cool morning breeze blew gently on my face, it felt so good that I decided to go out for a short walk. After all, no one will notice that I'm gone and I'll be back before they even wake up. I wouldn't dare to travel that far.

I was just walking forward, and thinking. Thinking about yesterday. Why would the emperor want me back now, when he had forsaken me previously? If he wanted me to be safe, he would have at least made arrangements as to where I will be staying temporary. But the twist of events turned out well, not for long though. I had thought that, after being with Saito all the while, I thought that our relationship will progress. What happened? Did I do something wrong? What was wrong? Did he hate me? I blinked as reality hit me. Woah, I am actually standing in the streets of Kyoto! _I didn't realize I had walked that far… Maybe I should go back now?_ I turned my back, and was about to walk away when someone was just screaming hysterically. The crowd surrounded him now, and the noise level was rising. Curious, I hovered about them, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening. The man screamed something about a fire in a house nearby. He was so anxious that he couldn't even speak properly, and some men were running towards the direction he sputtered. My guess was that they went to help put out the fire. I stood there thinking if I should go and help, or find the Shinsengumi? No wait, it will be too late by then. "The children-!" The hysterical man was saying now, he broke into tears, I could feel my heart break too. "The nursery caught fire! They are still inside! Someone, please help!" Immediately, I ran after the men. Children were being trapped there? What if they die there? I ran so fast, it was as though as my legs were detached from my body.

"_Run!"_

I still heard Lord Iemochi's voice in my head. _Run…! I must run!_ I huffed as my knees collapsed to the ground. Without a proper workout, my knees were starting to get the brunt of it. _Run!_ That was the only thing in my mind. _Run!_ My legs took off again.

I reached the nursery, it was blazing with fire. Many children were rescued and crying, wailing and asking for their parents. I stood in awe at the huge flames. Some of the men were trying to put the fire out. It seems that everything was alright…

"I sent for someone to inform the Shinsengumi!" I turned and heard another man say.

"The Shinsengumi? But the children are all safe now!"

"Yeah, but we need to find the culprit, at least!"

Who could be so devious, setting up a fire and burning the nursery? I turned to look at the fire. The flames didn't look like it will extinguish soon. But at least everyone is safe… I felt a tug on my sleeve. I look down and saw a little boy crying. I bent down and patted his head.

"It's alright now." I said in a low and soothing tone, smiling to comfort him.

"N-No… It's not alright… Hiro… Hiro is still there!" He sobbed. My eyes widened.

"Hiro? Is he your friend? Is he still there?" I asked anxiously.

"What? A kid's still there?" The men heard me. One wanted to run inside, but the other men stopped him. "Don't! We'll wait for the Shinsengumi! The fire's so hot you'll burn to death! We'll try to put out the fire as much as possible!" They were suggesting. Wait? I wanted to scream. Why don't you put yourself in Hiro's shoes and wait in the burning house for help to come?

Without thinking, I dashed into the house of flames. The house was breaking apart. Men were screaming after me. I was scared, where did this courage come from? I entered the house after hopping over a burning log on the ground. The place was scorching hot, I felt like I was in hell. "Hiro? Are you inside, Hiro?" I shouted, trying to avoid the flames. It was so hot, my temperature shot up. I felt dizzy. "Can you hear me? I'm here to help you!" I bit my lips, praying hard that the boy is still alive_. He can't die, please, please…_ I kicked the door open, which cracked and turned into ashes due to the intense heat. My heart skipped a beat as I saw a tiny black figure, hiding under a table. Rushing in, I pushed the table away and grabbed the boy. My hand got burned a little, but it didn't matter, the boy was with me. He wailed loudly and I tried to cover him as much as possible. I turn to run out of the house, but the roof couldn't hold it any longer and came crashing down. I could hear screams of the people outside. I bent down, trying to duck from the flaming logs and bricks which were falling down now. "We'll be alright, we'll be alright," I said repeatedly, tears flowing down. I felt hopeless, I thought we were going to die. "I don't want to die! Please!" I was yowling and howling. "Shinrabanshou! If you're there… Save us! Come out and save us!" I bend further down as some of the bricks hit my back. It hurt, I felt my skin ripped and tear from the scalding bricks. But I protected the boy. My arms wrapped around him tighter. Even if I wasn't going to get out alive, at least the boy have to live. He doesn't deserve to die like that.

'_Stand up and run.'_

Was I hallucinating due to the heat? I felt myself melting already.

'_If you want me to help you, at least help youself.'_

There was no mistaking that. Without questioning any further, I pick myself up on my legs, carrying the boy and dashed through the flames. I ran non-stop, I couldn't feel my legs anymore, but I saw the outside world, bit by bit. When it finally felt a thousand times cooler than the high temperature inside the nursery, I let the boy go and fell on my knees. The boy wriggled to free himself from my weight on him. I was so weak to even move. My back, it doesn't hurt anymore. The flames, I was sure I walk right through it. It didn't burn me. Was that the power of the Shinrabanshou? I tried to flip my palm over. The blisters on my hand from pushing the burning table, they were gone too. I saw the feet of men coming to our aid and putting out the fire. I saw, familiar feet. Feet with sandals and white socks, and the black garment above it. I closed my eyes. I don't want to guess who was it now. All I want is more sleep…

I felt myself being carried by that man, and his tight grip on me. I felt his hair pressing onto my face.

"Don't leave me, please don't scare me again like you did the last time..."

I thought I knew who that voice belonged to.

x

I'm really sorry for the late update! I got a part-time job now and therefore I'm busy… Also along the way I got lazy… And my inspiration just died on me so yeah… I'm sorry if this chapter turned out lousy. I decided to stay up later and type more. I was just rushing this chapter, and I apologize if the words don't flow… I'm just this terrible at expressing my thoughts. I must say, this chapter was completely the opposite of me. My OC just kept running (IDK why either) but I'm incredibly lazy and I probably won't even move my ass unless you tell me there's free buffet on the other side. I'm sorry too, because this chapter has no lovey-dovey scenes. I promise I will add that the next chapter! Please stay tune!


	6. Chapter 6

"You're always getting yourself into trouble, do you not think about how worried I was?" I heard someone chiding me. My eyelids felt heavy and I couldn't open my eyes to see who that voice belonged to. But strangely though, I felt like I heard it somewhere.

"She's safe now, isn't she? You should feel relieved." Another voice said, this time, a man's.

"Argh, you're so troublesome! Always getting injured like that!" This voice… Who was it again? A woman, a man, and a boy… My family… Is this a dream? Am I back at the real world already?

My eyes fluttered open, although I was tired. My vision blurred and I couldn't make out my surroundings. I blinked slowly a couple times. It was no good, I still felt dizzy. I felt something soft touch the edge of my face, followed by a soft voice.

"You're awake at last." My eyes moved to the towel, then to the hand, and finally, the face. Oh… Chizuru… I wasn't sure if I should feel disappointed. I felt something roll down my cheeks. Had I been crying in my sleep?

"Hmm? Is she crying again?" Okita teased, bending down next to me, peering into my face. I was snuggled comfortably under the blanket, and he chuckled. "You've so much tears, you could've put out the fire back in the nursery." I'm sure he only meant it as a joke, but then he quickly apologized. Were there more people in the room? Chizuru said something about informing Yamazaki and left the room. I wanted to sit up, but my body seared with pain. I winced and bit my lips to stop myself from crying out. The pain was, well bearable but still, painful. I was afraid to look at my wounds.

"…Hey, Hajime-kun, don't you think you should go and comfort her?" The familiar voice of Sano teased, but Okita quickly cut in.

"That's alright," He said, grinning as he lean over and supported my back gently. I held onto him firmly. "After this, I'll make sure you thank me properly." Timidly, I looked up at him. Wow, I'm sure I've noticed this for a while already, but Okita really looked handsome up close. As if sensing my thoughts, he smirked on cue. His face came closer, his warm breath tickling me. "Hmm, now then, how should I make you thank me~?" He said in an audible whisper in which only I could hear. Instantly my face turned red and I lowered my head in an attempt to hide my blush. I could hear the sound of the sliding door open and close. Someone had left the room.

Sano sighed deeply. "Oi, Okita. You should know better than to flirt with Saitou's woman." To that, Okita responded by laughing. "I couldn't help it, but it was a pity that he left so quickly, I didn't even get to see his reaction!"

"You wouldn't want to see that…" Sano muttered under his breath, shaking his head. Wait, what? Saitou, jealous? I couldn't help but smile to myself. That part of him was cute. So he does care for me, after all. Then my head shot up.

"Y-Y-You know about it?!" I exclaimed, shocked. Okita raised an eyebrow, before realizing what I meant. "Oh, yeah, it was so obvious from the day he carried you back home from the burning nursery." He shrugged, giving me a soft pat on the head.

Saitou was the one who carried me? I blinked. Should I be surprised? They were going to say more, but Yamazaki entered the room soon after. Sano and Okita were asked to leave the room politely. Just as Okita was about to close the sliding door he mouthed the words, "I will keep your secret safe" and winked. I jumped a little, the blush surfacing again. Yamazaki looked at me questioningly, the sighed.

"You should stop injuring yourself and worrying others."

"Worrying others?" I echoed. Who would be worried about me? I've no family here, even if I die, my death wouldn't be very significant, won't it? Yamazaki did not look up as he inspect my wounds on my left arm. I turned away. A portion of my arm was charred. Come to think of it, back in my world, I'm always injuring myself… And now, how can Saitou accept me? I have wounds all over my body, ugly wounds, charred skin, horrible scars, and I'm a woman no less. My heart sank low at the very thought.

"Kondou-san, Nagakura-san and Heisuke were pretty worried about you. They would ask questions regarding your health status every day. Hijikata didn't show it but I think he is somewhat troubled by your injuries." Yamazaki spoke in a calm tone. I… What could I say? I felt so shameful for their distress. "We have enough people to worry about you, so I would appreciate it if you actually worried for yourself and not get into anymore trouble instead." Yamazaki said it so sternly, I could only nod obediently. He packed his things, and I felt around my back gently. "Um, what about my back?" He stared at me blankly. "My back," I repeated. "It was injured, wasn't it?"

He blinked, then looking slightly abashed. "Last I check, your back was completely healed."

"Oh, you checked…" I mumbled. Okay I admit, it was embarrassing to have a guy to check my bare back, but there was no helping it, right? As if to assure me something, he added quickly, "Chizuru was here when I inspected your wounds." I gave him a warm smile. It's nice to be alive again. "Thank you." I said, but Yamazaki made no special note of it, and left the room.

I tried to get up and walk. The pain from a while ago had disappeared. Which reminds me.

"Shinrabanshou-san, are you there?" I called out awkwardly. I waited but there was no reply. Strange? Feeling stuffy in the room, I went out to take a breath of fresh air. Heisuke was strolling up and down the corridors, and then our eyes met. He was taken aback for a while and couldn't speak, but I simply bowed and smile at him. Ow, my back kind of ached a little when I bend down. "S-Sakurai-chan…" Heisuke mumbled. I peered into his face. He was definitely troubled.

"How are you feeling right now? You should still be in your room resting!" He tried to say it forcefully but his voice was wavering. "That's what everybody says, but I don't think I will feel any better staying in my room any longer." I explained, and he avoided eye contact. What's wrong? Usually Heisuke will be so full of energy.

"I-I-I will be going now! Night patrol, you see!" He stuttered all of the sudden. "I see, please take care." I bowed again, and he walked off quickly and clumsily. Did something happen while I was unconscious? My eyes flickered up and I saw Saitou, not too far from where I was standing. He then walked over to me naturally. My heart beat fast now. I wasn't sure what he was going to do next. I stared at him, and he met my stare.

"I was only passing by." He said icily and I shuddered a little. Why is he so cold to me now? "I see," I bit my lip and turned my eyes away, lowering my head in shame. He reached out and patted my head gently, and he drew closer to me, putting his arms around me.

"When you look so fragile like this, it only makes me want to hug you and protect you." He said quietly. "I can't seem to be hostile around you." Why was he trying to be hostile to me? I clung onto his clothes.

"I'm not worthy of you, I'm a samurai who has killed numerous and has dirtied his hands with blood. But when other men tried to get touchy with you, I…" He wrapped his arms tighter around me, pulling me so close, almost like he was afraid I would run away or resist him. "Do you still want me?" He asked sadly. "After what I've done, I can't even assure you that I will make it out alive from my missions, do you still want me, despite all that?" Saitou's body was well-toned and firm, and I blushed, thinking about that to myself. 'Want' wasn't the correct word, at least it felt strange coming from Saitou, but I was sure he meant as wanting to become his or something.

Wordlessly, I tiptoed and kissed him. It was a peck at first, but he reached out and kissed me deeply. He moaned into the kiss a little, sucking my lips and biting it gently. Woah man, I didn't know there was such a side to him, but making out in the corridors wasn't a great idea. I broke off the kiss and pushed him away, he licked his lips sexily as he gazed at me with his deep purple eyes. I-I-Is this even Saitou? He leaned forward, lips brushing on my cheek, then to my ear. Wait! This— His need was this great? I'm not even prepared for pre-marital sex yet! I mean, I don't plan to have sex until we get married or something! I have to resist him.

"Don't resist me."

Swiftly, he pushed me into my room and quickly locked the door. He pushed me against the wall, hovering on top of my exposed collarbone, planting soft kisses. I shivered at the touch of his lips. "S-Saitou… N-No…" I said weakly as he went on to push my kimono off my shoulders. "P-Please stop…" I said, but he lifted his head to face me, eye staring deep onto mine. Saitou's eyes were so beautiful, a lock of messy hair fell over them. "You don't have to thank Okita anymore. You're mine." He went closer and put his lips on top of mine. There was no lust in that kiss, and a few seconds later he pulled back and hugged me. I was surprised at the abruptness, but his shy voice made me blush even harder.

"Put on your clothes properly…" I looked to where my kimono was almost dropping off from my body. He hugged me more loosely now, and I tried to fix my kimono properly. Was he hugging me so that he won't be able to see my chest? I am secretly thankful that he has some sense not to rush into sex. He averted his eyes from me.

"I don't know what has gotten into me…" He rested his forehead on my head. "You are the first to make me feel such desire… you're very strange indeed." He then stroked my hair. "I want to do this when I can finally make you my wife, till then," He took my hands and placed them to his lips, pressing against them, his eyes bore into mine, full of passion and determination. "Please wait for me." I looked down and smiled. He acknowledges that as a "yes" and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. Yes… this was the kind of romance I wanted, something gentle, something sweet, it was the kind of love that we'll be sharing in the future too. There was this unexplainable sense of hope and joy filling up within me. (on a side note, I know pervy fangirls would have wanted that to be _something else_ right?! Urgh!)

x

Night fell again, but unlike every other night, tonight I was happier. My wounds and scars recovered quickly, I noticed as I was taking a bath. I was about to head over to the main hall for dinner when…

"Ah—" I cried out but someone clamped a hand over my mouth, and hoisted me up in one of his arm. Kazama?! What was he doing here?! My eyes widened in shock and he smirked. "I'm going to kidnap you, be honored." He leaped up high and disappeared… along with me.

Seconds after I opened my eyes, I found out that I was in a magnificently decorated room. Was this…?

"Be honored, you're in my room." Kazama said lazily as he put me down on the futon. "This is the residence of the prestigious family of Kazama," He begin his about his so-called revered family line but I cut him off suddenly.

"Why am I here?"

He narrowed his eyes at me and came close to my face. I tried to maintain eye contact but his eyes were so demonic and fierce, it made me scared. "I don't need your permission to kidnap you, do I?" He growled irritably. "I'm tired of waiting and the constant interference of the Shinsengumi. I'm going to make you mine tonight, and you will stay by my side _forever_." He emphasized on the last word, sending shivers down my back. I have a feeling that this guy was unlike Saitou, he has no self-control and he's likely going to rape me.

Or so I thought.

He just wants me to stay by him right? That means he won't do anything to me, I kept on assuring myself. He leered at me with an evil smile.

"I can't wait any further, you're going to have my child tonight, and after that, we'll get married and have even more children." He said, lips lightly brushing my neck and I clenched the futon below me with my hands. I could hear his smirk. No, I was wrong, he was going to rape me tonight. I prayed fervently that someone will come to my rescue. Surely someone back in the headquarters would have realized my absence and send for help? "My need is so overwhelming," He said in between while sucking on my neck, grabbing my hair roughly. I gasped a little as he used his free hand to feel around my chest area, before finding the entrance of my kimono and started to feel around my breasts. I pushed him away with all my might, taking a few steps before him, breathing and blushing heavily. He grunted and looked annoyed. W-W-What is this feeling? When he touched my chest, I… No, although he's handsome, I can't allow myself to be touched by other men! I covered my chest tightly with my arms, trembling. He had apparently walked over and pulled my arms away from my chest, my kimono now showing cleavage. He seemed to have gotten even more sexually aroused.

"I know that you're feeling pleasurable from my touch," he said as he lifted my chin towards him. "Is this your first time? You're blushing so madly that it makes me even more excited." He whispered hoarsely, before kissing me lustfully, using his free hands to restrain me at first, then moving on and pulled down my kimono completely off my shoulders. I gasped and tried to break away from the kiss, but he kept pulling me back. Our mouths were wet and every time I pull back, I could see a thread of saliva acting as a bridge from our mouths. I felt cold from being exposed, and tried to hug him to prevent him from seeing my breasts. He seemed to like the fact that I hugged him, and he responded by giving more deep and lusty kisses. That wasn't my intention! I felt a tiny bit of frustration, but also by the fact that I kind of enjoyed doing this with someone as handsome as him.

No… This was wrong! I pushed him away again, desperately trying to pull my kimono up. He growled and stopped me from doing so, groping one of my breast. I let out a sound as he squeezed it. Damn, this felt like I was filming for some porn video. He looked pleased now, kissing my collarbone, earning another sound from me. It wasn't a moan, more like a surprised sigh and gasp. My voice was so high-pitched when I made those noises, he said, which made me look more like a woman. He started to take off his clothes with one hand, sucking on my breast and kneading another one with his free hand. I grabbed his hair with my fingers, trying to push him away. In a flash he stood up, and quickly I turned my head away.

"What's wrong?" He said, bending down and taking my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I-I've never seen a guy fully naked before me…" I closed my eyes tightly. _I'm sorry, Saitou, I'm sorry that I can't keep my promise to you… _Tears flowed down from my eyes and I tried to blink them away furiously. Kazama sighed loudly and deeply and he wiped them away with him hands. "Are you still afraid of me?" He asked playfully, but his voice was so manly and erotic. I sobbed and hiccupped. "Hmph, you're but a little girl after all." He put a hand on my head and embraced me with his strong and muscular arms. "I had only wanted to play with you tonight," He cooed. "If you want to go back to them so badly, I will take you back. After all, no matter what happens, you belong to me." With that, he unwrapped his arms and started putting on his clothes. I, too, begin pulling up my kimono and adjusting it for the second time. At that moment, I was utterly disgusted by myself. I couldn't face Saitou anymore.

X

As promised, Kazama took me back into the main entrance of the headquarters and gone like the wind. Still in a daze, I walked into the courtyard, not seeming to notice anyone around me.

"Where did you go?" I bumped into Saitou, then snapping out of my trance. He looked angry, and my eyes fell. I didn't know what to tell him, but seeing him makes me guilty. He put a hand on my shoulder, softly urging me to speak.I shoved his hand away and ran to my room as fast as I could, leaving him to stand there, dazed.

I heard him catching up, but I wasn't going to let him catch me._ Please, if I can escape this time round…_ I begged in my mind. _Please just let me escape._

'_Granted.'_

I felt my surroundings warped and then the next thing I knew, I was in my room. I heard some footsteps, and then Saitou's agitated voice and his bangs on my door. The door… It's locked?

"What happened? Sakurai, please answer me!"

I covered my ears and cried. "Please just shut up!" I wailed loudly in my room, and after a while, I realized I couldn't hear Saitou at all. I had suspected something. Something was not quite right. I tried to unlock the door, but it would open. I knew it.

"Open the door, Shinrabanshou!" I screamed. Something must have happened to Saitou. I could see his shadow, his figure, still behind the door. "Saitou…" I cried weakly, seeing him leaning against the door. Without warning, the door slid open and Saitou's limp figure fell into my arms. He coughed blood, there was a small slit at his throat. My head throbbed as I held him firmly. He could barely speak and his face twisted with pain every time he tried to.

'_You got what you wished for, didn't you? Why are you still so unhappy?'_ The voice taunted and gave a menacing laugh. I supported Saitou's head with one arm, and I cried again. How could I have wished for something so cruel as this? Saitou reached out to touch my face weakly. My tears rolled down to my chin and eventually fell on the slit of his throat. The Shinrabanshou gave an audible sigh before returning into silence once again.

I don't know how long I had him in my arms, he begin to speak coarsely. I help him sit up and as I did, I saw the slit disappear. Saitou's eyes never left mine as he stared suspiciously at me. I didn't dare to look at him and I cowered before him, ready to answer his questions.

Wordlessly, he lock me in his arms. He kissed my hair, thinking to himself.

"Saitou-kun—"

"I don't know what happened, but if you do not wish to tell, then I won't ask any further." He cut me off abruptly. "I'm sorry," He kissed my hair again. "Please don't leave me, I will do anything, just please," his voice was muffled. "Don't leave me."

How could I have so little conviction? When faced with Saitou, I'm weak. Kazama may have made me feel pleasure, but being with Saitou was a whole new feeling, completely different from how lusty Kazama was. Maybe, maybe this is what love really is? I really want to be with Saitou forever. I hugged him back, stuffing my face into his scarf.

"I will never want to leave you again, because I only love you." I can't be sure of many things, but one thing's for sure is that, Saitou was going to be the only one for me. They can take my body, but not my heart. I'm really happy to have someone like Saitou who cared so deeply about me. I really am.

_xXx_

Woah time for author's reflections! Crap I feel so dirty typing the steamy parts (I blame it on my fangirl friend and many perverted fanfics for such cliché ideas… and also Saitou for being so hot. I'm really sorry for being on a hiatus for so long! Ahh and also if there are many mistakes, be it grammatical or lack of vocab, I blame it on my super long holidays. You see, I ended my national exams on November and my new school starts in April, so in between my brain started to rot~ NO. WAIT, IT'S NOT A GOOD THING YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISS SCHOOL. Anyways, with my addiction back again, I will (try) to update more often. Reviews please!


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